3 Allowance Mistakes to Avoid (Part 2)

There are some Spurts who believe that giving kids an allowance without tying it to chores or work sets a bad precedent. I don't hold this view. In fact, I believe you send entirely the wrong message when you take this approach.

Mistake #3: If you don't make your bed you won't get your allowance this week. Who pays you to do the chores in your home? Chores are a part of each individual's responsibility to the family. Payment for regular chores negates a child's individual responsibility as a member of the family unit. Payment for extra household tasks – those above and beyond a child's normal chores – is fine when they are specifically doing the task to earn some money.

The biggest problem in tying your child's allowance to the completion of her chores comes on the day when you must withdraw the allowance. Now you're teaching your child, "I have the money and you'll have to do as I say to get some of it!" That's a straight-out power play. "I have the money, so I have the power." Ouch, not a lesson you should want your kids to learn.

A far better tack for children who don't follow through on household responsibilities is to do a like-for-like comparison. "Hunny Bunny, if you don't make your bed, I'm going to have to. And I only have time to do one thing, make your bed or make your lunch. Which one do you want to do?"

Or how about: "Sweetheart, we don't always feel like doing our chores, but what if I didn't feel like driving you to soccer, should I just say 'take a hike'?"

So back to the big question: Why are you giving your kids an allowance?

To learn how to manage money responsibly, children need an income they can rely on – one given at regular intervals and in denominations they can manage. The experience of handling a steady flow of cash will teach many fundamental skills, including how to manage a cash flow, how to plan ahead, setting goals and how to save to satisfy a goal. With your guidance, an allowance can also be used to teach important lessons in borrowing and lending, the pleasure derived from generosity, and how to be a good consumer.

The strings attached to money you got as a child will have a strong impact on the strings you attach to your children's money. Perhaps you were never given an allowance and had to work for every penny you got. If you had to put yourself through college or university working at the local carwash on weekends, and waiting tables at night, this will no doubt colour the way you look at money in general. If your allowance was tied to chores, or you were required to save all the money received as gifts, you may see that as the "normal way to do things".

Whatever your own experiences with money as a child, put them aside as you begin to teach your children how money works and the role it should play in their lives. To ensure money is not imbued with meanings it should not have, don't tie things like self-esteem, power or love to money. Stay balanced when you talk about it. And, above all, figure out what message you want your children to take away from your money lessons. Like it or not, they are learning from you. What lessons are you teaching?

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