Speed Date the Universe (The Underground Novel)
The Underground Novel in Short: After graduating from university with a degree in business, Dustin has a problem. He needs to figure out a way to break through the confines that the world has built for him. The confines of middling employment opportunities, family expectations, and the small imaginations of others. Luckily, he's not alone. With his monkey sidekick at his side, Dustin braves the hazards of the real world, demonstrating his own unique brand of hippy entrepreneurship.
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Axiom: Good luck is about maximizing your opportunities for good luck -- or, speed date the universe.
In the last three months my friend Pierce Williams has tried several jobs. One was perfect. He went to New York, found a job in the marketing section for a book publisher. He wants to be a writer, so this is a good fit for him. The problem was that his boss was a prick. Couldn’t stop telling him what to do and how to do it. Desperate Pierce quit his job and started doing telephone sales. Terrible job, but good boss.
Who would’ve thought?
So he calls me up and asks me what he should do next. My monkey and business partner, J.P., is sitting next to me by the pool in some rich condo complex. We’re condo-sitting for one of our clients. He’s smoking a lot of weed, trying to come up with ways to reinvest a windfall of money I recently came into. I half-wanted to invite Pierce to come work for us and figure out what to do with all this cash.
“Hey, you still here?” he asks.
“Always here for you bud.”
No, it wasn’t time yet. A bookish man with the steady habits of a farmer. He had to learn what I’d gotten through my thick head at the old age of 22.
“Life is random, cheap, sometimes sweet, often cruelly arbitrary. You’ll only learn this by speed-dating?”
“Speed dating?”
“Speed date women, jobs, anything that will allow you to speed date it. I don’t know, Pierce. Who the fuck am I? Some 22-year old kid who’s watched Risky Business once too often and has dumb luck on occasion. But I think dumb luck is a skill that comes down to knowing how to speed date the universe.”
I’m waiting for Pierce to tell me that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever said.
“Well...it’s not the dumbest thing you’ve ever said.”
“Good, cuz I have to go. My monkey business adviser looks like he’s the right kind of high to churn out a good business idea.”
And before he can tell me THAT’S the dumbest thing I’ve ever said, I hang up the phone.
**The Underground Novel is something I have been publishing in installments for a while. You can check out more here: https://www.wattpad.com/384227839-the...
*
Axiom: Good luck is about maximizing your opportunities for good luck -- or, speed date the universe.
In the last three months my friend Pierce Williams has tried several jobs. One was perfect. He went to New York, found a job in the marketing section for a book publisher. He wants to be a writer, so this is a good fit for him. The problem was that his boss was a prick. Couldn’t stop telling him what to do and how to do it. Desperate Pierce quit his job and started doing telephone sales. Terrible job, but good boss.
Who would’ve thought?
So he calls me up and asks me what he should do next. My monkey and business partner, J.P., is sitting next to me by the pool in some rich condo complex. We’re condo-sitting for one of our clients. He’s smoking a lot of weed, trying to come up with ways to reinvest a windfall of money I recently came into. I half-wanted to invite Pierce to come work for us and figure out what to do with all this cash.
“Hey, you still here?” he asks.
“Always here for you bud.”
No, it wasn’t time yet. A bookish man with the steady habits of a farmer. He had to learn what I’d gotten through my thick head at the old age of 22.
“Life is random, cheap, sometimes sweet, often cruelly arbitrary. You’ll only learn this by speed-dating?”
“Speed dating?”
“Speed date women, jobs, anything that will allow you to speed date it. I don’t know, Pierce. Who the fuck am I? Some 22-year old kid who’s watched Risky Business once too often and has dumb luck on occasion. But I think dumb luck is a skill that comes down to knowing how to speed date the universe.”
I’m waiting for Pierce to tell me that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever said.
“Well...it’s not the dumbest thing you’ve ever said.”
“Good, cuz I have to go. My monkey business adviser looks like he’s the right kind of high to churn out a good business idea.”
And before he can tell me THAT’S the dumbest thing I’ve ever said, I hang up the phone.
**The Underground Novel is something I have been publishing in installments for a while. You can check out more here: https://www.wattpad.com/384227839-the...
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