The Curiously Stunted, Incomprehensibly Disjointed, Perfectly Inadequate Adventures of Nicholas Cornelius Holloway – Episode 29

“Not if you were the last person on Earth!” she said.

He paused. He thought about pointing out that if he were actually the last person, she wouldn’t be around to not go out with him. He thought about correcting her: ‘last man on Earth’ is what she meant. He thought about commenting – out loud – about how gender-inclusive language renders that phrase nonsensical. Interesting, isn’t it? he thought about saying.

He sensed she would not find it interesting. He sensed there were conversational la...