Testing My Courage–Brown Belt and Writing

Last night I had to get up in front of people and show what I've learned in Muay Thai (Thai Kickboxing).  I tested for my brown belt.  Where is that in the ranking of belts?  Next is a half and half belt–brown and black.  Then there's the tests of tests–Black Belt.  It's not that far away now, if I keep going and don't have any more setbacks.  Yesterday I had decided it didn't matter how I felt, I was going to do it.

Only a few months ago, I was very ill and struggling through everything.  During that time, I was supposed to test and I asked my sensei to allow me to wait.  He agreed if I felt that way.  At the time, all I felt every time I moved was pain.  I went to as many kickboxing classes as I could because I knew moving was moving forward, and no matter how scared I had become inside, I was determined to win my own personal battle.

It's like being a little bird sitting on the edge of the nest looking down into the abyss.  Last night I leaped off and flew.  I had to believe I had come back and I was going to do it.  I had to perservere.

Being a writer is like a belt test.  You have a great story to tell.  You believe in yourself –sort of, but that's not enough.  Even when everything is going wrong, when you're sick, exhausted, or overwhelmed, you write.  I'll be honest and tell you that the writing may not be your best that this time, but moving forward is the most important thing you could do.  Edit-rewrite-edit-rewrite until it is tremendously breathless.  You'll know. The feeling of a written work tremendously breathless gives the most divine lift to the heart when read aloud.  The next step is to look out over the big wide world.  That part always makes me feel small.  Then leap–send that manuscript out into the world.  Soaring is everything.  Publishing lengthens your horizon, extends the flight.

All of it is a test of courage.

Did I say that I achieved brown belt?

–Susan

Susan Hanniford Crowley

P.S.  I am doing a free online one day workshop called "Put Heart into Your Blog" on Saturday,  August 27th.  Even though it's free, you still have to register at http://www.savvyauthors.com/vb/showevent.php?eventid=1215

Filed under: romance, Susan Hanniford Crowley, Writer's Life, Writing Topics