I’m the April Fool

A fool for spending my first day of April feeling so low. And then wallowing in that low instead of lifting it. Well, it’s because I’m lonely…

I hope that you never find out what loneliness feels like. Because it’s agony. Right now, there’s a pain in my chest that is weakening my entire body. I am weak. I am lost. I am lonely.

Don’t get confused. Loneliness isn’t being alone, not really.

For me, loneliness is being constantly misunderstood.

Loneliness is having a birthday coming up and searching through your Facebook to find someone, anyone to spend it with.

Loneliness is having family, a boyfriend, school friends and work friends but still feeling alone because where is that friend-friend?

Loneliness is looking at your Snapchat on a Saturday night and seeing everyone you know is out or busy and no one invited you – Then you torture yourself watching their stories and refreshing the page.

Loneliness is being in a packed room and feeling like no one would notice if you were gone.

Loneliness is feeling like everyone would prefer your sister to you.

Loneliness is crying every time your boyfriend leaves even if he’s done your head in all day.

Loneliness is not having a go-to someone when you have a relapse or even when you have good news.

Loneliness is feeling like your true self will never be right or good enough.

Loneliness is travelling to another country on your own because you have no one else to go with – only to then feel lonely there too, and feel like you’re going crazy.

Loneliness is being a writer.

Loneliness is dropping out of university.

Loneliness is not knowing enough about anything.

Loneliness is …Being me