7 Ways to Mend Your Fences

“Fear is the highest fence.” – Dudley Nichols

Mending one’s fences – to strengthen or reestablish one’s position by conciliation or negotiation.

Being on the fence – uncommitted, neutral, and undecided.

Walls create physical and mental barriers. Putting up fences and rushing to repair them at the last minute is exhausting. When part of a fence is broken, scratched or needs new paint, it’s time to take action. For the purpose of this article (play along with me here), your body mind and spirit is the ‘yard’ you put fences around to protect yourself from possible ‘outsiders’ or unwanted visitors. Granted, we need strong fences that provide safely, security and supports our needs, but not those that holds us hostage. What kind of fences have you built? Do you have some mending to do? Our ‘yards’ need to be nourished and nurtured, so think of fence mending as a requirement for a happy healthy you.

 Temporary Access

Easy access, not top priority to keep others out, the gate is open and inviting. People happily show up to share creative ideas, co-create and spend time enjoying the surroundings. There is an ongoing desire to contribute to the process of nurturing and supporting such a lovely environment.

Picket Fences

I know, picket fences are a cliche but they are adorable, welcoming and hospitable. The yard is consistently being worked on, weeds are pulled when needed, new seeds are planted, watered, and attended to. All in support of growth that will manifest a healthy harvest.

Concrete Fences

Concrete fences and barriers keep people out and are built with a healthy dose of fear.  These perceived barriers give the illusion of safely. Few want to cross this concrete barrier. The yard becomes bare and lonely, filled with weeds and overrun with debris. The question becomes, what is meant to be walled in, or walled out?

Barbed Wire and Electric Fences – Ouch!

Needing a barrier for enclosure shows defensiveness and anger. Yelling across the fence is common, as are threats. Witty repartee and skillful arguments that do not sit well keeps the sword handy and ready for battle. Barbed wire and electric fences are the ultimate dividers, meant to separate, alienate and cause barriers to communication and negotiation.

7 Ways to Mend Your Fences – Consider This a Healing Process

Dig below the fence and find the root cause of the problem.
Communicate your feelings and be open to listening to the other persons perspective. You can agree to disagree – it’s okay!
Remember what is important about your relationship.
Forgiveness – Let old grudges go the way of the dodo bird. Apologize or accept and apology.
Restore trust – this happens by mending fences and building bridges.
If your fence is broken, find a way to repair it. There are resources everywhere.
Rebuilding takes time, be patient!



 Isaac Newton said, ‘Men build too many walls and not enough bridges’  and this is something that needs to change.

Our natural world does not want or need barriers. Concrete, barbed wire and electric fences are a sad reflection on where we are as a society. Man-made barriers have been created to keep us separate – battling over who is right and who is wrong. We fight over whose fence is stronger, higher, the wrong color, size or made of a foreign material we don’t like. These barriers destroy family, friendship, businesses…I could go on, but you get my drift. Change begins with each of us, working together for the common good.

Next time you see a neighbor repairing a damaged fence, you will notice them removing the section needing repair. Watch as they replace the old section. The new section is repaired and possibly painted to look new, or to match the existing fence. Wouldn’t it be fantastic is life could be fixed as easily? If we assess the slights, hurts or damage, taking the appropriate steps to do the repair work, we are building a bridge that leads to peace. All fences get scuffed up over a lifetime. It’s up to us to do repairs that suit our sensibilities.

 

Original article: 7 Ways to Mend Your Fences

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