The Best Way to Connect With Others? Just Be With Them

People have become more and more alienated over the past several decades. We’ve gotten used to interacting with each-other based on a transactional model in which I do something for you and expect you to do something for me in return. Unfortunately, this point of view makes it increasingly difficult to form and maintain positive, empathetic relationships.

In my weekly women’s groups, one of the main things I teach is how to “just be” with each-other. The participants learn that analyzing, interpreting, entertaining, cheer-leading, educating or rescuing each-other are not the ways to create meaningful connections.

The group members practice sharing with each-other and giving empathetic feedback that avoids judgment, analysis and prescriptions.

The members learn to simply enjoy speaking and listening to each-other and discovering all the qualities they have that are unique and all the things that they have in common. The group members practice kindness and build empathy, and the groups quickly become cohesive entities that are greater than the sum of their parts.

In North America we have this idea today that relationships are about “doing” for one-another. We don’t realize that a better model is simply being together and appreciating one-another.

We can decide, however, to let go of the compulsion to do for one-another and begin to practice “just being” together. This doesn’t mean that we do nothing for one-another, but rather, understand that our relationships aren’t based solely on this model of “doing for.”

We’re going to be a lot more fulfilled in our relationships and we’ll feel a lot more connected if we give up our habit of doing so much for each-other and just learn how to be together.

When we shift our goal to just being together, many wonderful things happen: closeness grows, trust builds, understanding blossoms and when a real need arises, it’s naturally responded to. This won’t be because it’s what a friend or family member is “supposed” to do, but because it’s an outgrowth of the closeness people feel.

It takes an awful lot of energy to do, do, do for one-another, but it takes not a lot of energy to just be. We can use that extra energy to be more loving, more creative and to enjoy our lives more. Why not start practicing this new model of just being with one-another, today?