Marriage is a reflection of our relationship with Christ

A few years ago I learned  the important lesson that marriage is a reflection of our relationship with Christ. Katie and I faced the biggest crisis of our marriage. I started pastoring Woodland Christian Church when it was fairly small. Within three years the congregation had tripled in size. I admit that before I became a pastor, I was completely unaware of how much work is actually involved in shepherding a church of even a few hundred people. I had been an Army officer, a supervisor at a distribution center for Target, and an elementary school teacher. But none of those occupations approached the amount of mental and emotional energy and sheer hard work pastoring entails!

We had no secretary or associate pastor at the time. Almost all of my waking hours were packed with studying, teaching, counseling, making phone calls, sending e-mails, meeting with people, addressing administrative responsibilities, and tending to benevolence issues. When I was home, I should have been an engaged father and husband. Unfortunately, I did not have much left for my family emotionally, mentally, or physically.

Although I was failing as a husband and father, I was able to convince myself I was still pleasing the Lord. I compartmentalized my life by saying, “I am a Christian first, a spouse second, a parent third, and an employee fourth.” Instead, I should have said, “I am a Christian spouse, a Christian parent, a Christian employee.” The danger of seeing ourselves as a Christian first and a spouse second is we can find ourselves believing the lie I bought into at the time: “If I can be a good pastor, I can please God even though I am not the best husband.” The truth is that I was a poor husband, and I should have recognized that meant I was not pleasing the Lord.

The reason we cannot please the Lord while failing as a spouse is marriage is a reflection of our relationship with Christ

Our marriages are outpourings of our relationships with Christ. This means our Christianity is directly related to the way we treat our spouses. We treat our spouses the way we do because of our relationships with Christ.

In Matthew 7:16b, Jesus asked: “Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles?”
In James 3:12, the apostle James asked: “Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs?”

The point of these verses is that we reveal our Christianity by the way we live. As Jesus clarified: “You will know them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:16a). Since our relationships with our spouses are our most important earthly relationship, what we are as spouses is a reflection of what we are as Christians. If we keep this in mind, we’ll be prevented from thinking we can be “good” Christians while being bad spouses.

Discussion questions for husbands and wives:

Consider marriage is a reflection of our relationship with Christ. What three adjectives would you use to describe your marriage?
Are these the same adjectives you want to describe your relationship with Christ? If not, what changes do you need to make?

[image error]NOTE: Most of this post is from Marriage God’s Way and the Marriage God’s Way Workbook.  Save 0 and purchase the bundle—one book and two workbooks!

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