CROCODILE ELVIS
Elvis drew a bead on the television set. Squeezed one off from his pearl-handled .44 and sent it straight to that big repair shop in the sky -- vacuum tubes and all. The shot reverberated through the large suite of rooms, causing the Jamaican housekeeper to drop an armful of clean linen and hit the deck. She ran screaming from the room wailing, "Sweet muddah a Jeezus!," flopping and jiggling in places that a woman shouldn't have. Those Jamaican girls sure could run. Even the big ones.
Elvis was staying at the International while filming his new movie, "Viva Las Vegas." Elvis really didn't wanna do the movie, but Colonel Parker had insisted, had talked him into doing this latest bit of schlock by explaining just how many new Cadillacs his paycheck would buy -- and the fact that "that lil' ol' poontang" Ann-Margret would be his co-star. Ann-Margret. That was some girl. She looked like a preacher's daughter but drank and smoked and cussed like a colonel from Kentucky -- and her bottom was smooth and white as a catfish belly. Oh lordy! She gave Elvis the creepin' night sweats. Day after day watching her wiggling her tail on the set in them get-ups: leotrads and skimpy little shorts. Elvis hadda take a lotta cold showers (he hated cold showers). Each day he prayed to Jesus and the spirit of his mama to give him strength so as not to stray from 'Cilla, his child bride-to-be, and commit fornication . . . but it was rough. When shooting wrapped for the day, he'd hole up in his suite of rooms at the Hilton: practicing his karate on the bellhops, or looking for something good to shoot on the television.
There was a knock at the door. Oh lordy! Ann-Margret! Just the other day she came knocking at his door and Elvis pretended to be asleep. The woman sure was persistent.
"Go 'way, Ann! I just ate some green bananas room service sent up an' I ain't feelin' so well." Elvis just loved peanut butter and banana sandwiches, deep-fried in hog fat. He ordered them for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It drove the room service chef crazy.
"Elvis! Open the dang door! It's Colonel Parker!"
Elvis opened the door, and The Colonel burst into the room. He was smoking a five-dollar cigar and smelled like sauerkraut . . .
Read the complete story:
www.lasvegasweekly.com/news/2009/nov/...
Elvis was staying at the International while filming his new movie, "Viva Las Vegas." Elvis really didn't wanna do the movie, but Colonel Parker had insisted, had talked him into doing this latest bit of schlock by explaining just how many new Cadillacs his paycheck would buy -- and the fact that "that lil' ol' poontang" Ann-Margret would be his co-star. Ann-Margret. That was some girl. She looked like a preacher's daughter but drank and smoked and cussed like a colonel from Kentucky -- and her bottom was smooth and white as a catfish belly. Oh lordy! She gave Elvis the creepin' night sweats. Day after day watching her wiggling her tail on the set in them get-ups: leotrads and skimpy little shorts. Elvis hadda take a lotta cold showers (he hated cold showers). Each day he prayed to Jesus and the spirit of his mama to give him strength so as not to stray from 'Cilla, his child bride-to-be, and commit fornication . . . but it was rough. When shooting wrapped for the day, he'd hole up in his suite of rooms at the Hilton: practicing his karate on the bellhops, or looking for something good to shoot on the television.
There was a knock at the door. Oh lordy! Ann-Margret! Just the other day she came knocking at his door and Elvis pretended to be asleep. The woman sure was persistent.
"Go 'way, Ann! I just ate some green bananas room service sent up an' I ain't feelin' so well." Elvis just loved peanut butter and banana sandwiches, deep-fried in hog fat. He ordered them for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It drove the room service chef crazy.
"Elvis! Open the dang door! It's Colonel Parker!"
Elvis opened the door, and The Colonel burst into the room. He was smoking a five-dollar cigar and smelled like sauerkraut . . .
Read the complete story:
www.lasvegasweekly.com/news/2009/nov/...
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