England 2-0 Lithuania: World Cup 2018 qualifier – as it happened

The recalled Jermain Defoe and the substitute Jamie Vardy produced accomplished finishes to give England a routine win in an underwhelming game

6.56pm BST

Peep peep! A routine win for England against limited opposition. Jermain Defoe scored on his return to the side, and Jamie Vardy continued his return to form with the second. Both were accomplished finishes. It was the kind of forgettable stroll we see so often in international football these days, and puts England one step closer to Russia. Thanks for your company; bye!

6.55pm BST

90+3 min “Oh,” says Phil Sawyer, “an MBM is Martini, Brandy, Madeira? *Puts meths, bleach and mouthwash back in cupboard*.”

6.53pm BST

90+3 min Rashford, on a yellow card, goes down in the box and is told to get up by the referee. We haven’t seen a replay so I’ve no idea whether it was a foul, but having told him to get up, the referee might have given him a second yellow card.

6.53pm BST

90+1 min The good news for England today: Keane, Defoe, Vardy, Rashford and the relentlessly excellent Walker. There is plenty to do but you can see a decent, likeable team starting to take shape. They won’t go to Russia among the favourites, but that’s probably no bad thing.

6.51pm BST

90 min Another elegant Henry-like burst from Rashford takes him through on goal to the left side of the box. He tries to stab it across to Vardy and the keeper Setkus blocks.

6.49pm BST

86 min “I’m pleased Defoe scored, and it’d be great if he went to the World Cup next year,” says Mike Gibbons. “ It probably won’t happen, but I do think the country owes him one after that decision to take a sixth-form age Walcott to Germany instead of him in 2006. Then as now, utterly unfathomable.”

Yes, especially for somebody as conservative as Eriksson. And wasn’t Walcott one of only four strikers, a half-fit Rooney and a barely fit Owen being two of the others? Bizarre. What an almighty mess England made of that tournament.

6.47pm BST

85 min Alli’s long-range shot is blocked, and Oxlade-Chamberlain’s beautifully struck follow-up is held by Setkus.

6.45pm BST

84 min “I got to Calais this morning for a two-day stint volunteering at the Refugee Community Kitchen here which is absolutely amazing and feeding displaced people in the Dunkirk camp as well as on the streets in Calais,” writes my colleague Stephanie Fincham. “Anyway, it was only as I arrived that I realised I miscalculated and that it has been only two weeks since my dog’s passport was issued - not the required three - so we are stuck here until Friday. So I was wondering if any of your readers might care to donate to refugeecommunitykitchen.com to help ease the pain of being a total twat ...”

Go on. It’s cheaper than buying a Stricken Strachan.

6.44pm BST

83 min Grigaravicius crosses low towards the near post, where Keane gets across to make a very good sliding tackle. England might have found a player there. He looks very composed.

6.43pm BST

82 min Rashford’s curling corner is headed over at the near post by Dier. That was a decent chance as well. Rashford has been brilliant in this cameo.

6.42pm BST

81 min “Can I interest Robin Hazelhurst in a MBM?” says Simon McMahon. “Martini, Brandy, Madeira. You need them when you follow Scotland.”

6.41pm BST

80 min Rashford, on the halfway line, plays a tremendous pass to put Vardy through on goal. The keeper comes out and Vardy lofts the ball over him and the bar. He should have scored. It was a great run though, possibly aided by the state of his eyebrows.

6.39pm BST

79 min “Is it me or does Jamie Vardy look like he’s had his eyebrows waxed?” says Keith Tucker. “Maybe it’s a way to make himself more aerodynamic; marginal gains and all that. I’m a metrosexual myself but this has to be a first for a Premier League footballer.”

I shudder to think what other grooming marginal gains might be available.

6.38pm BST

78 min Some good defending stops Vardy getting on to crosses from first Walker and then Lallana. England have been much better since Vardy and Rashford came on.

6.37pm BST

76 min When the book is written on the greatest 1,000,000,000,000,000 games in football history, this will just fail to make the cut.

6.33pm BST

74 min Another Lithuania change: Valskis off, Matulevicius on.

6.33pm BST

73 min Rashford is booked for deliberate handball from Alli’s cross.

6.32pm BST

71 min Walker finds Alli, who makes room for a low shot from 17 yards that is too close to Setkus.

6.29pm BST

69 min Lallana’s low left-wing cross finds Vardy, who tries a fancy flick and hits it against his standing leg.

6.27pm BST

Jamie Vardy seals victory for England. It was another nicely taken goal. Walker fed a short angled ball into Lallana, who clipped it first time round the corner. Slavickas pushed up for offside without bothering to consult anybody else, which gave Vardy space and time to control the ball and sidefoot smoothly into the corner. I think those were his first touches of the game.

6.24pm BST

63 min Rashford has added some necessary directness to England’s play, running at defenders every time he gets the ball. His best position will always be centre-forward but he is a very interesting option as a left-sided forward.

6.22pm BST

62 min “Simon McMahon normally offers cocktails when Scotland are playing, and given the current state of the Scottish football team he could probably make an appropriate one by mixing his and Mrs McMahon’s drinks,” says Robin Hazlehurst. “One part cheap lager and two parts cheap wine, it’s the Stricken Strachan. Hangover guaranteed just from looking at it. “

6.21pm BST

61 min Rashford breezes past three players on the left before a fourth defender comes across to concede a throw-in.

6.21pm BST

60 min “Re: 47 minutes, when did ‘corridor of uncertainty’ become standard terminology in football?” says David Wall. “I know Jonathan Pearce started using it a few years ago, and without acknowledging Geoff Boycott, but it really doesn’t work as well as in cricket. It’s not really a natural corridor in the way that the wicket is, in that people don’t tend to move along that line between goalkeeper and rear-most defenders. Surely there is something more appropriate for that area. How about playing the ball along the precipice of doubt? Or between the defender’s two minds?”

6.20pm BST

60 min A double England change: Marcus Rashford and Jamie Vardy replace Raheem Sterling and Jermain Defoe, the scorer of the only goal.

6.19pm BST

59 min Lallana breaks, and Zulpa takes a booking for the team near the halfway line.

6.18pm BST

58 min Lithuania have been a lot better going forward in this half. On ITV, Glenn Hoddle - an outstanding defensive coach - has been effusive in his praise for Michael Keane.

6.17pm BST

55 min Word to the wise: Judge John Deed is on Alibi right now.

6.14pm BST

54 min A Lithuania change: Novikovas off, Grigaravicius on.

6.13pm BST

53 min Oxlade-Chamberlain, using a defender as a screen, curls a good effort towards goal from 25 yards. It’s not quite in the corner and Setkus dives to his left to make a comfortable if spectacular--looking save.

6.13pm BST

52 min Slivka forces a reasonable save from Hart with a shot from the edge of the box. It came after a good break down the left by Cernych. He beat Walker and played it infield to Slivka, who moved away from Stones before hitting a left-footed shot that was comfortably saved to his right by Hart.

6.11pm BST

50 min Walker’s good curling cross is headed over at the far post by Alli, under pressure from Vaitkunas. There’s a bit more oomph to England’s play since half-time, when presumably the teamtalk wasn’t given by Iain Duncan Smith.

6.08pm BST

47 min Bertrand puts a beautiful ball into the corridor of uncertainty between defenders and keeper. Sterling gets there first, six yards out at the far post, but mistimes his connection and the dribbles through to the keeper. He should have scored.

6.07pm BST

46 min Oxlade-Chamberlain breaks dangerously beyond Vaitkunas, who sends him flying with a desperate shove to the chest. He’s booked.

6.05pm BST

46 min Peep peep! Lithuania begin the second half, kicking from right to left.

6.00pm BST

More half-time chit-chat

‘Workmanlike’ would be the kindest description so far. The unkindest, albeit the most accurate is this” - Hubert O’Hearn.

5.53pm BST

“I think the reason the Moronic Interloper (TM) is so unfazed by the threat of bass headstock-related violence is that he knows perfectly well if the ‘musician’ had the coordination to simultaneously keep playing and successfully strike someone, he’d be playing guitar rather than bass,” chirps Matt Dony. “And don’t even get me started on singers... (Tin hat: On.)”

5.51pm BST

A bit of half-time reading

Related: Jesse Lingard: ‘England is like a family. We're not going to let others bully us’

5.51pm BST

Peep peep! On this occasion the headline is all you need to read: Jermain Defoe, 34, scored on his international return to give England the lead against a very defensive Lithuania. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

5.51pm BST

45+1 min John Stones clears off the line! Slivka was well offside when a towering defensive header came through to him just inside the England box, but play was allowed to continue. Hart came out unconvincingly and ran past the ball, allowing Slivka to chest the bouncing ball up in the air and head it towards goal. Stones reacted well to run back and hook it clear.

5.45pm BST

42 min “Afternoon Rob,” chirps Simon McMahon. “Talking as we are about moronic interlopers, Scotland are drinking in the last chance saloon against Slovenia tonight. Whereas I’m just drinking. It is Mother’s Day after all. Cheap lager for me and cheap wine for Mrs McMahon. Living the dream.”

5.44pm BST

41 min Sterling and Alli combine well on hte left to release Bertrand, who makes a fine run ... and then lets the ball roll under his foot and out for a goalkick.

5.41pm BST

38 min “The interloper is definitely Yahoo Serious, Australia’s version of laffmeister Noel Fielding,” says James Debens. “Either that or a young Trey Parker, “off his mash” on magic monkey juice.”

The greatest trick Mac Millings ever pulled was convincing the world he was multiple people.

5.40pm BST

36 min Sterling beats Vaitkunas again on the left side of the box - he’s got him on toast, with a homemade granola compote - but is denied when Setkus springs from his line to claim.

5.39pm BST

35 min Lithuania put a few passes together. I think I counted as many as six before they lost the ball.

5.36pm BST

32 min England have been slightly disappointing so far. That’s okay; there’ll be no England Fan TV reaction here. They’ve just been a bit slow to work out where it’s at: on the left and right wings. Their heat map leaves a lot to be desired! Their passing has also been a little on the slow side.

5.33pm BST

30 min Defoe is allowed to turn 25 yards from goal. So that’s what he does, teeing up a well-struck shot that flashes a few yards wide.

5.33pm BST

29 min “I think it’s unnecessarily cruel to link to a clip of one the most historically incendiary and exciting performing acts in a MBM of an England qualifier (possibly the least incendiary and exciting form of entertainment known to humankind),” says Sam Barton of that Jesus Lizard video. “That interloper looks suspiciously like James Endeacott (of Rough Trade records, later signed the Strokes & The Libertines). If I’m right do I win owt?”

Nope, and as you’re wrong you definitely win nowt. You’re right, mind; it does look a bit like him.

5.31pm BST

28 min Cernych does well to bring down a long pass on his chest just outside the England area, but his shot on the turn drifts well wide.

5.30pm BST

26 min “In 1993, I wasn’t watching proto-hipsters like The Jesus Lizard in trendsetting Highbury and cultivating curly hair for a living - I was drinking Merlot by the case and already telling anyone who would listen (or not), through misty eyes, how great that mid-80s Everton side really were,” says Gary Naylor. “I realise now that I’ve been (a) past it and (b) nostalgic for a quarter of a century. Millings is the new kid on that block. Though not that stage, obviously.”

The Secret Past of MBMers. If that’s not a Channel 5 series in the making, I don’t know what is.

5.29pm BST

24 min That’s a nice stat from the ITV commentator Clive Tyldesley: Defoe’s last goals for an England team were past Patrick Kielty in a Soccer Aid match. It’s a lovely story, and Russia is certainly a possibility given his fitness levels. I doubt he’ll start much for Southgate but he is a really good option from the bench.

5.26pm BST

It was a good goal. Sterling beat Vaitkunas with ease on the left, moved into the box and crossed low towards Defoe and Alli. A stretching defender missed it on the six-yard line and Defoe sidefooted decisively past Setkus.

5.25pm BST

Jermaine Defoe gives England the lead on his return to the side!

5.24pm BST

21 min Lallana shuffles infield from the right and plays a clever reverse pass to Defoe, who stretches to hit a first-time shot that is blocked by the outrushing Setkus. Not that it matters, because...

5.23pm BST

20 min “I think the most impressive part of the

Mac Millings
moronic interloper video is that he is so baked that he does not even flinch when the wood and steel headstock of a bass guitar is whipped toward his coupon,” says Peter Oh. “A lack of awareness since eclipsed only by David Luiz’s performance in the 2014 World Cup debacle against Germany.”

5.23pm BST

19 min Despite having loads of the ball, England haven’t really got going yet. They are still spending too much time trying to find an eye in the Lithuanian needle. The width of Walker has been the biggest threat.

5.21pm BST

17 min Keane sprays a long crossfield pass that is kept in play athletically by the relentless Walker. As the ball bounces Walker smacks a superb flat cross into the area that is headed away at the far post.

5.18pm BST

13 min Lallana’s cross from the left is headed away well by Cerynch, denying Walker a clear chance at the far post. Moments later Lallana’s shot from 20 yards is deflected through to the keeper Setkus.

5.14pm BST

10 min England’s play has been a bit narrow, which suits the compact Lithuania defence. It might be an idea to play with a little more width.

5.12pm BST

8 min “It’s a somewhat common theme that it’s only the English who are obsessed with the captaincy but, to my surprise, Univision’s coverage just talked about how ridiculous it is that a team like England has switched captains so frequently in recent times,” says Grace Pickering. “I’m not sure what else to add to that, to be honest. Just thought it worth noting.”

Who is this “Univision” and what does he know about English football? Is he even a football man?

5.11pm BST

7 min Alli is fouled 25 yards from goal, in line with the left edge of the box. England tried a training-ground free-kick, and cock it up.

5.10pm BST

6 min England have started confidently enough, though without any notable penetration. There’s very little space, with Lithuania keeping nine behind the ball most of the time.

5.07pm BST

4 min “That moronic interloper looks strangely familiar,” says Phil Sawyer. “Was it Sideshow Bob? You’ll notice I’ve resisted the urge to stick in a reference to Millings and unwelcome entrances.”

5.06pm BST

3 min Lots of early possession for England. Lithuania are defending very deep, as you’d expect.

5.04pm BST

2 min “I was going to write some smug, laff-filled comment about Sunderland experience equating to England, but my heart’s not in it,” says Hubert O’Hearn. “Instead, let’s just be happy for Jermain Defoe. He’s been a pro’s pro, does his business, sticks the ball in the net and deserves this curtain-call call-up. Nicely done sir.”

5.03pm BST

1 min The recalled Jermain Defoe has the first kick of the game, with England playing from right to left. They are in white; Lithuania are in yellow.

4.58pm BST

We’ve had the national anthems. Now there will be a minute’s silence for those who died in Wednesday’s terror attack on Westminster Bridge.

4.35pm BST

Guess who?

“If you can spare 50 seconds from your busy schedules, I urge you to watch this clip of The Jesus Lizard live at the Highbury Garage in ‘93,” writes Mac Millings. “I’m not sure what’s the best part: singer David Yow seemingly lifeless on the floor; the bassist’s exceptionally mild concern for Yow; the bassist’s flickered threat of violence towards a moronic interloper; the swift and sudden removal of said interloper; or the quiet grin of satisfaction on the bassist’s face at said swift and sudden removal of said interloper. Bonus points if you can identify the moronic interloper.”

4.35pm BST

“Afternoon Rob,” says Phil Sawyer. “There’s a ding-dong battle going on in the Moto3 race on BT right now. Not that I’m encouraging MBMers to DO IT! ESCAPE NOW! WHILE YOU STILL CAN! do anything other than stay tuned in to England’s latest hi-jinks.

4.16pm BST

ICYMI, this is tremendous.

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4.15pm BST

“I like England’s all-attacking, all-defending, no midfielding line-up,” says Ian Copestake. “Long ball it to the creatives and let’s get the bacon delivered.”

We’re going to back to 5-0-5.

4.01pm BST

England (possible 4-2-3-1) Hart; Walker, Stones, Keane, Bertrand; Oxlade-Chamberlain, Dier; Sterling, Alli, Lallana; Defoe.

Lithuania (possible 4-2-3-1) Šetkus; Vaitkūnas, Kijanskas, Klimavičius, Slavickas; Kuklys, Žulpa; Novikovas, Slivka, Černych; Valskis.

1.11pm BST

Just when you thought you were out, they pull you back in. After a shambolic 2016, it seemed like the England football team were over, done, like skinny jeans. Yet there has been enough encouragement, in Gareth Southgate’s unsentimental rhetoric and the perky performance in Germany on Wednesday, to be drawn in again.

We know they will beat Lithuania today - no easy games at international level my corn-addled foot - so the fun will be in seeing how they beat them, whether Dele Alli and Adam Lallana combine as encouragingly as they did in Dortmund, and what system Southgate decides to play. This match won’t change your life but it should be diverting enough. Besides, what else are you going to do with your afternoon, watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic on the Tiny Pop channel? You are? Oh fair enough, each his own.

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