India - Part 1 - Turning over the Curry-land in Delhi

All aboard
It's just after 11:20 and I've made my way to the Delhi train station. I'm sitting on board the Kerala express towards Agra. Today is the day where I'm going to finally see the Taj Mahal – one of my many dreams since I was a small boy. I'm going to see for myself whether this structure of love is really as amazing as it's always been promoted decades in and out. The plan with the Taj is to see it three different times of the day. It is said that it literally changes colour through the day because of the marble. I'm hoping to see it at dusk, dawn and somewhere near the middle of the day. I can't wait.
Jet Airways welcomes passanger Anil ADHD
India. Oh, India. Where do I start. Let's go back to Abu Dhabi where I began my trip. I got on the plane just after 23:00 and the flight went quite smoothly, with the few odd exceptions obviously. On the plane I met Anil ADHD. A forty-something year old man who had obviously not seen the inside of a plane too often. This man seemed like he had an intravenous supply of Red Bull somewhere, because he had a hop, a jump and the occasional twitch in him all through the four hour flight. He might have some Tourette's going on too as he would suddenly just shout at random people in the flight. One airhostess let go a sharp shriek and he poked her in the kidney at one point. This I could still handle, but when he placed his finger on one nostril and started sucking down everything he could, I knew this was not going to play out well. The second nostril was closed and the deposit down in his stomach had by now grown into one large goop. And then it happened. Anil ADHD picked up the see through plastic cup next to me and he let go. I mean people five rows in front and ten rows to the back stared in despair. Anil then started with the screen in front of him. He turned it on. Then turned it off. Then turned it on again. Enough to trigger any epileptic attack. Turns out Anil did not know it was a touch screen, and I wasn't planning to inform him as that plastic glass in his hand was all the way too close to my personal space.
Hello Delhi!
Akshardham Temple, New DelhiWe finally landed in Delhi and I whispered a very appreciative prayer, even if it was only to be rid of Anil. Funny enough with someone like that, you kind of forget all the other burps and farts that happen around you. Delhi airport is very modern and I think the magic word here in Commonwealth. They've upgraded the airport and it's very easy to get into town with the super cheap express train. The view from the train was amazing. I never knew it was so green here. Hundreds of species of trees welcome you to the capital from all sides of the road. The sun just rose and it was hazy outside, but what a sight to see the plantation bathe in a light orange. I finally arrived at the Delhi Station and now I had to find my hotel. I didn't get the memo that I would be the only gora (white person) in town for the day as I expected to see many tourists and travelers, but apparently they weren't there. Tuk-Tuk drivers rained down upon me with the occasional scam trying to get every bit of dollar out of you that's possible. The fact that I seemed to be the only foreigner in a 3km radius, made me the obvious target. I politely refused every offer and tried to make my own way to the hotel (which as it happens decided to change names over night). After seven times around the station, I was glad that Jericho was still standing and I swallowed my pride. I walked to a Tuk-Tuk driver and asked for help. He promised he knew exactly where we were heading, but I should have known he too had no clue.
Lost between man, beast and machine
I got into the Tuk-Tuk and we entered the downtown traffic. Thank God for experiences in places like Saigon, Taipei and Bangkok, otherwise I might have been a little freaked out by this dude that took on huge trucks and live animals crossing the road. We bumped a dog, we bumped a bike, we bumped and old lady who probably didn't reply 'Good morning' to us – I would say all in all a regular ride. Mr Tuk-Tuk didn't know where we were and we got lost. The more I said left, he went right and at one stage I think he took me into an area where no gora had every been. Man, if germs could walk and talk and go to school, this would be the place. I immediately took out my hand sanitizer and bathed myself while the driver got directions. Eventually we made it to the hotel which was a 2 minute walk away from the train station. Oh, the joys of being lost in a new place. I checked in and had a much needed shower. Then I tried to get some sleep as Anil ADHD himself took away that option on the plane.
In transit
Back to the present. The ride to Agra will be just over 3 hours. The train is better than I expected and I landed next to two Swedish guys. They've been in Delhi for a few days, but they've already had a few dates with the porcelain throne. So far, I can proudly say, I'm... hanging in there. No Delhi Belly. Touch wood! The communities next to this train track are so poor. Dilapidated homes build the skyline and the paving outside consists of plastic bags and garbage. Still sad to know you're in one of the world's largest growing economies, but that poverty will still stay part of this country for many more years. People struggle with everyday life, but they still choose to smile. Kids roll round in the ground and still get dirty. Are our children sitting in an artificially lit room playing Xbox the whole day really better off in the end?
Big-eyed boy
There's a small boy and his family sitting across from me. He stared at me and the Swedish guys from the moment we got to our seats, probably wondering why the heck we all have different eye colours and why our noses were so big. Back in Abu Dhabi I bought some colouring books and crayons as well as stickers. I've made a pact in my travels that I'll never give children sweets or money. The one is bad for their teeth and the other is not good for making better people out of them. Therefore I try to bless them with something useful. The little boy's eyes lit up when I handed him the book and his parents were so grateful. Living in the Emirates you don't see a lot of this kind of gratitude.


Reunion time!
Okay, back to Delhi. After I woke up I got ready to welcome my friend Francoise's arrival. She's one of Namibia's top journalists and she was invited by India's government to come have a look. Who knew that we'd be meeting here. Francoise Steynberg has been one of the biggest fans of my writing and is solely responsible for forcing Namibian bookstores to stock my books on their shelves. I haven't seen her in years and I was really looking forward to our meeting. I always say you get two kinds of friends in the world. Those who are seasonal and those who are eternal. Seasonal friends are great for a specific time of your life, but when you meet them 5 years later, they've moved on, changed their views and lives and it's hard to find a common conversation. The other friends I call my 'pick-up-where-we-left-off' friends and Francoise is one of them. We live different lives, but once we meet up again, we can just continue the life long friendship. Francoise and I finally reuniting in Delhi of all places.Two Africans, one Connaught's Place.
We decided to head out to Delhi and our first stop was Connaught's Place. This circle is buzzing with shops and restaurants and people. Of course the scams started again. This one offered you this and that one offered you that and at one stage we landed in a weird little 'tourist office' in a strange alley. Sorry for you Mr Scammer, but I'm not a virgin traveler and we played our best card. "We're both journalists from South Africa and Namibia and we were invited by your government to exploit the tourist scams in India." Man, oh man... did their faces and tunes change. Suddenly we were only given useful information and we were off to find a lunch place. We arrived at an old age English Coffee Shop which turned out to have some of the best Indian food I've ever had. The butter chicken here was to die for and we literally ended up licking the curry from our fingers.
Tourist manners
After the scrumptious meal we decided to just go lie like lazy people in the park. This is usually my favourite place to do people watching. You just become one of the trees and stare. Well, unfortunately if you're not an indigenous tree, you get spotted as the visitor plant and here we were overwhelmed by hawks and others. If we could get one dollar for each time we said "No thank you!", I'd be a very rich man today. It's funny that as the day goes on a "Thanks, but no thanks!" turns into a "No, thank you" and then a "NO!! Thank you." In a few hours it might sound something like: "NO!! Get away from me!" Another dude approached us with pictures of tourists that wrote notes about him in a booklet. I had to read all 73 accounts of people complimenting his – sit for this one – ear cleaning skills. Apparently he is one of Delhi's best ear cleaners and the Bollywood stars in his booklet all agree unanimously. I politely declined the offer of him sticking a piece of wire in my ear, but he insisted that the first ear is free. I still declined, but found myself with an earplug a second later. "Oh my god!" he exclaimed and looked three seconds from fainting. He showed me the ear plug and it was filled with mud. Now I don't take pride in studying ear wax at the Ohio institute of International Ear Science, but that was no ear wax. He insisted in cleaning the other one too. I again said no thanks. Frankie smiled at him and said: "It sounds to me that YOUR ears need cleaning as you obviously don't hear when we say NO!" He got up and left. Thanks Frankie. My hero!
From henna to losers
Francoise being 'hennad'We made our way to the India gate which is quite a nice structure. Again poor Frankie got attacked by Henna girls. Now henna is the spicy substance women in Asia use to decorate their bodies (if you didn't know). While she got painted, I was asked by numerous Indians if I'd pose with them for pictures. They were all sure I was a celebrity and that they've seen me in a Bollywood movie somewhere. I was very honoured, but told them I wasn't. They still insisted. After my photo shoots and Frankie got her henna, we made our way to a pub to watch the cricket between South Africa and New Zealand. Now if you don't know that India is passionate about cricket, I'll tell you again. They call their children Johnty and Ab and they know more about the personal lives of each South African cricket player than most South Africans know. How many children they have, where they got educated. Even though they call South African World Cup 'chokers', they still love our country very much and they've got extreme respect for our players. They've even forgiven Hansie for the match-fixing all those years ago.
Don't mess with the Curry-land
We lost the cricket, our legs were tired and we finally made our way back to the hotel where I jumped on the bed as promised. Francoise and I said a week ago that we're going to turn over the Curry-land. We both agreed that maybe the Curry-land turned us over a bit, but we loved every moment in Delhi. What a great place to have a reunion. I'll write after seeing the Taj again. Looking forward to it as a child to Christmas.