India - Part 3 - Jaipur and the Red Dot Curse

Trained out for a while
My train arrived after 23:00 in Jaipur and for someone who doesn't really do trains that often anymore, the over 5 hour ride was bordering on the are-we-there-yet side. I was exhausted and eagerly awaited my shower and bed time. I arranged for pick up and thankfully the hotel sent Rahm, who was waiting outside the station with my name. We made our way through the city which is also known as the pink city due to their many pink (which is actually more a shade of terracotta) buildings. We arrived at my hotel and as one writer in a Lonely Planet descibes it, it's like 'walking into a painting'. The Umaid Bhawan is really gorgeous and the art around you feels so alive. It immediately reminded me of that awful movie Night at the Museum where things came alive at midnight. I am sure it did in this place too. I took my shower and got to bed. The driver, Rahm, was going to take me to the Amber Fort the next day which is said to be something to see.
The Umaid Bhawan Hotel from the outside. It's got my name written all over it.

Inside of the Umaid Bhawan. It's like 'walking into a painting'

My one wish in India
As we head out the next day, I told my driver: "Rahm, I want to see one thing in Jaipur:  a snake charmer. A guy who plays a flute and makes a cobra go leftie-rightie." That's on my bucket list and I need to see it. He told me he knew just the place and I should trust him. I added that I do NOT want to go to any jewelry stores or see how they make carpets. Been there, done that, got the carpets! I told him that I'd even pay his commission that he gets for dragging tourists in there. He assured me he's not that kind of guy. We'll only do the Amber Fort and then he'll take me to see snake charming in the evening. Great. I was ready and excited.
Eager beavers
We arrived at the Amber Fort and from far away the castle-like structure stood proudly on the high hill ahead. Around this area you could see the high walls lined on the mountains that kept intruders out many years ago. Actually it was quite similar to the Great Wall (of India?). From the second I stepped out, I was swamped by hawkers and people who wanted to 'improve their English', but I refused and walked on. I focussed on the beautifully decorated elephants ahead who carried the shutter-happy tourists up the hill and shoved hawkers out of the way as I made my way to the main gate.
The Amber Fort It was nice to see an Indian elephant during my trip.

The curse
The fort was aleady flooded with tourists when I arrived at the ticket gate.  It is a magnificant structure, so I expected this. I followed some tourists into this Hindu temple where they were all blessed by some kind of priest who put the famous red dot (or tilak ) on their front heads. I stood in line and waited my turn. Once he was done with my dot, the man next to him grabbed me by the wrist and asked me money for the blessing. "But the other people didn't pay?!" I replied upset. "No, you have to pay!" he insisted. "To be blessed? I don't pay money to be blessed in any religion, dude!" I released myself from his grip and stormed out of there grumbling. I was not happy about this at all. Unfortunately, from here on out, everything went wrong. I slipped on the staircase, almost broke the Canon EOS camera, got lost in the huge building and nearly leaped to my death as a flock of Chinese tourists came hurdling around a corner near the rooftop. I hit my head more than once as this structure wasn't build for tall people like me and to top it all, numerous facially challenged people came to a stand still right in front of me when I wanted to take a picture of something. What was this? I walked towards the water stand where somebody tried to cheat me with a bottle of water which seal was already broken. Rule number one in India: Check the seals on the caps. If it's broken, don't drink it. 
Feeling like a troll.
I had enough! Too many people! To many crying children! Too many irritations. I reached my breaking point. I marched right out of the fort, down the road and back into the spiderweb of hawkers. The problem here in Jaipur is that (unlike even in touristy Agra) people were tugging on my clothes and on my camera and once you get into my personal space, you push the wrong button."What language you speak!" shouted the one. "Russian!" I shouted back. "Oh, I have book for you!" he grinned and optimistically waved a worn out Russian version of the tourist book. He pushed the book into my hand and I gave it back. He tried again and I neatly put it down on the ground next to me and walked on. Then he started shouting at me for doing so.
I walked on and focussed on the gate down under. I counted to 10 in all the languages I knew, but it wasn't working. This time a begger with crutches approached me with some pens. The poor guy was really disabled and his legs were pointing in all the wrong directions. I felt sorry for him, but I didn't want the damn pens and walked on. He begged and hopped after me as fast as he could on his crutches. I sped up and walked as fast as I could. Please leave me alone, I thought. He would give up, wouldn't he? The next thing, I heard a huge GWAHHH behind me. The hawker slipped over the rough terrain as he tried to keep up with me and was flat down on the ground, one crutch lying there, the other one over here! Sweet mothers of Maritzburg, why me?! I immediately turned back, now feeling like a flee who sold his own family to another dog's back. I helped him up and found his eyes full of tears. "Please sir, I'm so hungry" he pleaded. This is why India see-saws you between loving it and hating it. I want to do good to the world, but I can't help all these people. I can't make it all better for all of them and I hated this feeling so much. I was angry at myself for letting this happen, but there are so many scams in this place, that one even ignores the real needs. I apologized, bought all his merchandise and walked to the gate.
Snake charmers! Finally!
NOT MY PICTURE. I WISH!As I got outside the gate, I saw some snake charmers maybe 20m away from me. Tourists were taking pictures of them and I saw the cobras. This was just what I wanted to see! I didn't care if I had to pay for a photo, this was my dream in India. Someone grabbed me by the arm. It was Rahm, the driver. "I told you I'll take you tonight. These people charge too much." I told him I didn't care, but he insisted and I followed him to the car like the defeated street dog now carrying the previous mentioned flee's family.


Tick another bucket list
Honestly, this day wasn't going the way I planned and when I got to the hotel, I immediately booked a massage session. I've always wanted to try the Shirodhara massage. It's the Indian ayuvedic massage where they pour oil on your forehead. It's said to really calm one down, and boy did I need some calming down. They picked me up and I went to the massage parlour. When I got there, I asked them if I could use the bathroom. As I walked in, I noticed the red dot on my head which I refused to pay for earlier. I washed it off and thought to myself: did I get cursed for not paying for this dot? I was really not having the best day of my life and everything went sour after my outburst in a Hindu temple. 
I chucked the idea aside and washed the dot off. My masseur was ready and we started the session. Wow, how amazing is this? I felt like a new person and felt revitalized. For almost 40 minutes, I had the oil dripping gently on my head. I could feel the stress leaving my body, little to know that in 24 hours it'll all return. (How's that for dramatic irony?) 
I paid and the lady at the front desk told me that I didn't have to pay for the pick up service as it was included. The driver took me back to the hotel and asked me if I was impressed with his service. Well, other than the fact that you didn't get me into an accident, I'm happy. So he asked me for money. I refused and told him that I was told not to give him any. He started becoming all nasty and started driving like a loon. I got out at the next traffic light and walked to the hotel. There goes the happy-happy after the treatment!

Finding the Snake Charmers.
Rahm picked me up and told me he'll take me to a village where I can see some traditional Rajasthani dancing and singing and where I'll find my snake charmers. We head into the crazy traffic and we ducked and dived oncoming bikes, tuk-tuks, and of course ... cows. After about an hour, we were still driving. He finally stopped in an industrial area and asked to to go inside a building. Was this where I'd find a snake charmer? No. It was a factory. "I told you I don't want to go to a factory!" I said really upset. "Please sir," be begged. "If you go in, I'll get some coupons for food for my family. You don't have to buy anything. Just look around." I told him that I'll give him money for food, but that I didn't want to go into a factory. He asked again and I walked in against my will. What part of I DON'T WANT TO did this guy not get? If I have to see the inside of a material shop or jewelry in Asia one more time, I'm going to to plant one of those rings in the assistant's eye. I was welcomed and offered drinks (like the all do) and I was told about the factory prices and and and. Although it was affordable, I didn't really want anything. I told them I'm a poor teacher. "You can use your credit card!" they told me. "You think teachers get credit cards?" I mocked. I bought something small and left. "Happy now?" I said when I got to Rahm and I'm sure he saw the irritation on my face.
The Beautiful village
So we stopped at the promised village and Rahm told me he'd pick me up in four hours. Here I would see all the culture and dancing and snake charming and they'd even feed me. The place really looked nice from the outside and I walked in. I paid a staggering entry fee (for India) and followed the crowd in. When I got to the security check, I was told that I couldn't take in a camera and that I had to leave it at the counter. "What's the use of me seeing all the traditional things, if I can't take pictures of them?" I asked the guy at the counter. "Oh sir, you can take pictures in 3 hours after dinner." Why would I want to do that? I handed in the camera and walked inside. As Rahm promised, the place was beautiful and there were areas where performers were sitting and making music. All around them were boards that read: PLEASE DON'T ENCOURAGE TIPPING. Wonderful! At last a place where I can watch without paying. I walked from one stall to another and enjoyed the drums and clothes and dances, but each time they finished, they stormed the foreigner and held out their hands. "Give me money!" they'd demand. Not even a "Please". I would walk away and ignore them.
A cobra! Finally!!!!
As I walked through the grounds, I saw someone sitting there with the traditional clothes and flute and in the distance the cobra was standing and staring at him. This is the best thing after the Taj I thought as I almost started jogging towards it. It was also in this time that I realized I didn't have a camera to capture the moment. But if you think that was my disappointment, wait until I tell you what happened next! When I got there, the cobra was standing towards me with it's back. I couldn't believe it. Foul! It was a piece of cast iron that LOOKED like a cobra. No real deal here. The man with the flute got up when he saw me and held his hand open under the 'Don't encourage tipping' board and asked me to pay him for the four notes he played. I was furious and wanted to smack this dude with the iron cobra over the head.
Flash! Flash!
Just when you think the evening couldn't turn out worse, I noticed flashes clicking everywhere. How does this work? We were told to hand in our cameras. No people, it's the iPhone generation. So families were handing their phones to the workers of the ground to take pictures of them and the dancers. Everyone was taking pictures!! I left my Blackberry in Abu Dhabi as I didn't want to bring two phones here. I only brought my cheapy Nokia for important messages. I marched right up to the front desk and demanded they give me my camera. "Everyone's taking pictures!" I yelled. "Go outside and look." He told me that 'cameras' were not permitted, but cellphones were. ARGH!!!
Dear diary. I got cursed today. Dot... dot... dot...
I went to the hall where we were supposed to have dinner and sat down. There were still two hours left before Rahm would pick me up. I immediately contacted my best friend Justin in Abu Dhabi and asked him to get me out of Jaipur before I murder someone. This place was just getting too much for me. Thankfully lifesaving Justin is the magager of a travel agency and before my food arrived, I secured a place on the a flight early the next morning. I didn't want to stay here for 2 more days. 
The food arrived and it was traditional Rajasthani. They presented it on plates made of leaves only. Biodegrable. Impressive. I couldn't take a picture though. I asked them to not give me spicy food as I've been surviving India without Delhi belly so far. They assured me it was just a 'little bit spicy'. Well, people, there's a huge difference between an Indian's idea of little bit spicy and a foreigner's. The food was so hot, that I thought I burned an immediate hole in my undies when the first soup fell down my throat. It's that dot, I tell you. It's the cursed dot! 
Hellooooo tummy!
As feared, I couldn't even finish my food. I had to run and I had to run fast. I survived India for 4 days without Delhi belly, but thanks to my the spiciest dinner I've had in .... uhm... 34 years, it was that time. I pushed past people clicking away with their cellphones and finally made it to the porcelain scooter not a minute too late. And there I sat and I sat until it was time for Rahm to pick me up. I got my camera back, walked outside and told Rahm I was very very unhappy. He pretended that he didn't know about the camera rule and he honestly didn't know why they replaced the 'real' cobra with an iron one. I didn't want to hear it. He took me home and I started packing. I had to be up at 4am for my flight out of this cursed place.


The good, the bad and the ugly
I was seriously considering whether or not to share this story with you, but decided that I would as I don't want people to think that life always just works out while traveling. Sometimes you have good days, sometimes you have bad days... but Jaipur didn't break me. It just won the match that day. I just had a bad day like anyone in any place in the world. As I got onto the plane, I hoped that the red dot curse would only last 24 hours. Check my final blog next time to see if it did back in Delhi.
The dot on my head, that I'll never forget.