Art of the Hustle (Part 2) - Underground Novel

Series Description (Underground Novel):
After graduating from university with a degree in business, Dustin has a problem. He needs to figure out a way to break through the confines that the world has built for him. The confines of middling employment opportunities, family expectations, and the small imaginations of others. Luckily, he's not alone. With his monkey sidekick at his side, Dustin braves the hazards of the real world, demonstrating his own unique brand of hippy entrepreneurship.

Art of the Hustle - Part 2

Dustin

Now, I'm not going to try to sell you a product. As far as I'm concerned that's bad business. Rather, I'm going to try to sell you on the idea of the possibilities of the kind of services my company can offer you. Take a look at this brochure, and then, once you look at it, you have to give it back, because it's really the only brochure I have on me. No, no, I'm not going to give you my phone number or my business address. Only in special situations do I even give out my email. Rather, you give me your phone number, I'll call you with some ideas.



Anonymous

I have a dead end job. Nobody likes me. I'm uneducated. I have no money. Why are you even wasting time with me?



Dustin

I could answer that question, but wouldn't you rather have a philosophical monkey with outstanding rhetorical abilities answer that question for you?



Anonymous

Alright.

(Dustin dials a number on his cell phone.)



Dustin

What up, J.P.? Yeah, customer. Male. Says he has a dead end job. Nobody likes him. Has no money. Mmhm. Yeah. No, you're right I did like that movie. Thanks for suggesting it. Booty Call with special commentaries by the director? You know it. Yeah, here he is.



(Dustin hands the phone to Anonymous. Anonymous talks to J.P. Quickly hands the phone back to Dustin.)



Dustin

Thanks J.P. Well?



Anonymous

Wow, I guess my life really does have meaning. All this time I've been avoiding my problems. Passing them over so I don't have to deal with my own inferiority, so I don't have to deal with the possibilities of failure. And in doing so, I have let myself slip into that very same tunnel of failure.



Dustin

Now you said that you don't have any money. How is your credit?



Anonymous

Good. I'd say very good. I guess I've been afraid to use my credit cards, and other forms of loans because I'm afraid I might not be able to pay them back.



Dustin

Here's the deal. Give me your phone number and your email. We'll look over your credit report, your resume, contact some former employers and friends, and see if you're the right person for one of our life-changing packages. I'm thinking package A because it includes a heavy emphasis on spiritual growth and self-esteem and the development of a "fuller" lifestyle. Of course, all of this will be catered to your individual needs.



Anonymous

Do I get to talk more with the monkey?



Dustin

Sure . But it's not cheap. After all, J.P. is my Vice President in charge of operations. I'd like to fit you in, but, right now, our customer list is pretty tight, and we only let a select few people into our program. Only special people, but I have to say, Anonymous, I think you've got what it takes. And that's saying a lot.



Anonymous

Oh really?



Dustin

Hell yeah. You radiant winner throughout your body. You perspire winner. You reek of it. I'm not letting that modest veneer fool me. Now, I'm going to let you buy me a drink. And I'm going to let you let me stay at your place for the evening. I know what you're thinking: why would a successful businessman like me need to stay with a complete stranger who I've known for only twenty minutes? Well, as you might have guessed, my neighbor has put a two million dollar bounty on my head and sent a trained ninja assassin after me. In fact, I'm pretty sure he's at that bar right now. No, don't look worried. I've paid the bartender handsomely to drug his drink. He should pass out in a few minutes. We should start heading over to your place just to be safe, though.