How Reading is Helping Me Write a Better Memoir
Posted by Kathleen Pooler/@kathypooler
“If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot.” ~Stephen King, On Writing
Most people I know who love to write also love to read—a lot.
Getting lost in a good book is right up there as one my favorite things to do. As soon as I finish one book, I am clamoring like an addict to get my hands on the next one. While I am partial to memoirs, I love to mix it up and dig into a good historical novel, a classic, a book by a writer I’ve never heard of, poetry. The list goes on and the pile of books at my bedside keeps getting taller. And I know you can relate.
Since I am in the revision stage of my work-in-progress memoir, On the Edge of Hope: My Journey Through My Son’s Addiction, I’ve had a laser focus on memoirs by mothers of addicted sons.
Addiction is a cunning beast which storms in like a tornado and leaves its victims shattered and confused. It goes hand in hand with codependency.
Memoirs I’m reading that have created sparks of recognition…
Every once a while, I read a book that sparks fireworks in my mind where scenes from my life pop out at me in rapid-fire fashion and have me grabbing for a pad and pen to jot them down. Pattie Welek Hall’s memoir, A Mother’s Dance: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back, Full Circle affected me in a deeply personal way as the mother of a son. It is about facing and conquering calamitous events with not one but two young adult sons, one who suffered a traumatic brain injury from a motorcycle accident and the other with addiction.
Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons
What was it about Pattie’s memoir that sparked such a reaction in me?
The highlight of a good memoir is the universal connection the reader feels with the story. Even though this is Pattie’s unique story from her point of view, she brought me into her sacred journey in a way that helped me connect with the story of my heart–my journey through my son’s addiction.
Reading her memoir inspired me to find other memoirs by mothers of addicted sons. There are other powerful memoirs about addicted children, namely, A Mother’s Story: Angie Doesn’t Live Here Anymore by Maggie Romera, Beautiful Boy: A Father’s Journey Through His Son’s Addiction by David Scheff and Broken: A Story of Addiction and Redemption by William Cope Moyers but I wanted to focus on the mother-son relationship.
That’s not the first time that has happened…
When I read Sandra Swenson’s The Joey Song: A Mother’s Story of Her Son’s Addiction, I heard the same bells and whistles go off as I relived my own efforts to help my son and felt the same level of frustration about not being able to control his addiction. Though Joey is still active in his addiction, Sandra has found serenity in her ministry to educate and inspire other parents to believe that letting go does not mean giving up. She chronicles her journey “through the place where love and addiction meet”. Sandra shares her story in this ASK documentary:
Sandy from Kurt Neale on Vimeo.
More mothers speak up–more fireworks in my mind…
Saving Jake: When Addiction Hits Home by D’Anne Burwell follows the long, tough road to family recovery, highlighting the shame and silence that often accompanies addiction. What’s unique about D’Anne’s book is that she incorporates the latest resources and research about addiction into her story, reinforcing the point that educating yourself about the disease of addiction will facilitate the recovery process. Through her own arduous journey to understand and cope with her son’s addiction, she has provided a wealth of resources for anyone dealing with an addicted child.
In Stay Close: A Mother’s Story of Her Son’s Addiction, educator and author Libby Cataldi shares the story of her son, Jeff’s valiant struggle to recover from severe drug addiction from her point of view. I love the part where Jeff reflects on his side of the story in retrospect. Libby has continued her mission to educate and support those families suffering with addiction through her weekly blog, Stay Close with stories of hope and inspiration about addiction and recovery.
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Each story similar–the same angst and heartache, the initial guilt and shame, the confusion, the silence and sense of betrayal and manipulation a mother feels when she discover her son is an addict. Yet so different in their presentations. All show the struggle and nurture the hope that recovery is possible.
All these brave women have shared their story in hopes of helping others traveling the same terrifying path. They are advocates for families of addicts through their websites, radio programs, speaking engagements. Sandy helps cook at a home for unwed mothers. Both Sandy and D’Anne are involved with ASK, a program to educate families about addiction and codependency. Pattie hosts her own internet radio talk show called Joy Radio.
How has reading these memoirs helped me with my writing?
*They connected me to my own story in a deeply personal way.
*While reading outside my genre has helped me to learn about style, voice, narration, reading these memoirs has helped me to see how each author delivered their unique story–one I have a vested interest in– in a way that is believable and engaging. They each have their own voice and style, yet they all taught me the value of honest introspection, believable characters and showing their progress toward transformation. The transformation is the part that nurtures the hope.
*Reading a wide variety of authors with similar stories has given me a new perspective on my own voice.
While my story may be similar, it’s still unique to me and I get to tell it in my own authentic voice. There’s no right or wrong. Your story is just that–your story but if you don’t spark a connection with a universal story then the vision of helping others through your own life lessons is lost.
*Each story is an invitation into the sacred space of the mother-son relationship.
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Pattie, Sandy, D’Anne and Libby are all warrior mothers who have faced the nightmare of awakening to the nightmare of their sons’ addictions. They have faced the truth and have forged ahead to find their own path to recovery. The lessons they share are making a positive difference in the world. They have inspired me to keep writing my own story in hopes of helping others who need it the most.
As I write about my son and the impact of his addiction on our family, I will keep Casey and Bo, Joey, Jake and Jeff and their warrior mothers who never, ever gave up hope, close at heart.
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How about you? Have you ever read a book that inspired you in your writing? What about the book inspired you?
I’d love to hear from you. Please join in the conversation below~
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This Week:
I’m honored to be participating in Woman’s History Month over at Victoria Noe’s Blog with this post on “The Silent Era of the AIDS Epidemic”.
Viki is writing a book, Fag Hags, Divas and Moms: The Legacy of Straight Women in the AIDS Community (coming in 2017).
Next Week:
Monday, 3/20/17
“Writing My Memoir Mended What Was Broken by Skye Blaine”
Skye is the author of Bound to Love: A Memoir of Grit snd Gratitude, a poignant mother’s story about her only child, a son born with a life-threatening congenital heart defect.
