Hide And Go Seek

Lack of LOVE, of meaning, of confidence in ones self, and the absence of a clear direction in their lives weigh so heavily that it sometimes leads them to self-destruction.   These extreme actions are a cry of despair, a call for help, a way of self-expression of those who do not know how to find happiness, or who have been prevented from doing so by the brutality of external conditions.--Matthieu Ricard, ALTRUISM
It’s funny.  As I found myself re-reading Dorothy Rua’s postcards from last week her line about wanting to “get on a plane and go somewhere” stuck in my mind.   A part of me believes that those who are always flying somewhere are running away from something.  Why not just stay put?  At times I’d much rather experience a new movie for escape.  It’s almost like taking a trip.
This coming March 15th has a series of films opening and I am interested is seeing all of them:  CLASS ACTION, GUILTY BY SUSPICIOUN, IF LOOKS COULD KILL, THE PERFECT WEAPON and TRUE COLORS.  I know I will see them all but not all at once.   There just aren’t enough hours to escape all of the time.

I managed to find the time though.  Alan and I were able to see all of the aforementioned films this week except for THE PERFECT WEAPON.  It’s hard to say which one is best because I’m still living off of the ultimate excitement ride of LA FEMME NIKITA.
I have my new stationary and business cards for MICHAEL’s INNOVATION IN DESIGN.  I love the design I did with simplicity and turquoise blue.   I plan to write to Paloma and on the stationary and send her a business card.  I just feel like I’m in a black hole though.  There are no Graphic Design opportunities coming my way.   There is a Creative Director Job with some Home Publication Magazine but who knows if I will have a chance.  I sent my resume.   I may have to try a new path as a Plan “B”. 
And then another part of me wants to run away and go back to the CAESARS PALACE with Alan.  Sometimes it is fun to hide and just “play”.   Hide And Go Seek brings on a whole new meaning.
On March 14th I attended a book signing of her latest novel called LOVE AND DESIRE AND HATE.  I took MOM with me.  It was fun.  She signed my book, “LOVE TO MICHAEL, Joan Collins!”  It was rather surreal to see her in-person after knowing her as that evil vixen, Alexis Carrington.  She seemed rather nice in-person.
I do have another trip planned with Alan.   We are going to New York City again from March 28th through March 31st.   I’m excited about that because there are endless things to do in that city.
On the side, I find myself painting at home.  I do like to create.  It calms me.  It allows me to calmly think of things that will guide me on to my next pathway (especially when I take a break from the canvas and hear music).   I especially like the one by CLASH called SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO.   A part of me yearns to return to the Bay Area, find an apartment in Berkeley.   When I mention it to Alan he shudders and tries to encourage me to stay. 

Alan says, “This is where dreams are made.  Wait and see.  You’ll find something, Michael.”And so, I must remain “balanced”.   I can’t hide under a rock.  If I don’t let THEM know that I’m here, they will never know about me.   I am lucky that I can vent my verbal feelings with my mother and Alan.  My written words also help me in my letter exchanges with Paloma, Dorothy and Birda.
He had to vent his anger somehow and he did it in words.--Eka Kurniawan, MAN TIGER