Co-dependency
On her website Change My Relationship, http://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Karla Downing says that “when people are ‘codependent’ in their personal relationships, it means they have an unhealthy way of reacting to other people”. Some people do too much for other people and others let people do too much for them. Neither is healthy. On her website, Karla has “Seven signs you are a Christian co-dependent” and I encourage you to look for those if you have questions about your personal relationships.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mqEHt1FjnA
One of the challenges as a Christian is that I know God calls me to help others. In my mind I can justify the many “extra” things I do for someone else. Sometimes, I am not helping others in a positive way though. I am preventing the other person for reaching his/her full potential because of the opportunities — good or bad– that I don’t allow that person to have. Francis Chan said,” Our greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter.”
Doing too much for the other person can be confusing for them. Because I don’t trust them to accomplish a task, they don’t trust themselves either. The lines become blurred about what is my responsibility and what is their responsibility. In time, the other person may just allow us to do more and more for him/her. They may not really appreciate it, but they allow it. Then … I become frustrated because I am doing so much, but am not appreciated.
In this situation, it is very easy to ignore my own needs. The Bible says to love God above all and our neighbours as ourselves, but I may have no idea of what that might look like. As I strive harder and harder to be loving and giving and serving and encouraging, I may become very exhausted. Once I’m exhausted, I start to feel guilty because I am no longer meeting all the needs that others allow me to try to meet.
Is this the example Jesus gave? It was an eye-opener when I read the gospels with the idea of following Jesus’ example in His relationships. I realized that Jesus rested, He walked away from some people, He threw out the money changers; He set boundaries.
Slowly, I came to realize that I need to care for myself emotionally, physically and spiritually if I want to be all that I can be for God. When I take care of myself, I am better able to be a positive influence in the lives of others. When I take care of myself, I can spread more peace and joy and laughter. I more easily reflect Jesus in me.
Matthew 5:14-16 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven”.
(Just some random thoughts on something I’ve learned while living life)
