Breathe – scene by scene

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I wrote a story that I’m now calling Breathe. It’s serialised over these five parts:

Exciting New Story (p1)
Exciting New Story (p2)
Exciting New Story (p3)
Exciting New Story (p4)
Exciting New Story (p5)

I’m going to rewrite this to take out the spoilers at the beginning and tell the story from Sheena’s point of view, but before I do that, I’m going to break the story down scene-by-scene to see how it flows:

Scene One
The partially omniscient (only has access to Sheena’s thoughts) narrator...