Two Minutes Hate: Sonic Screwdrivers

Dear Makers of Doctor Who,

I get that you write a science fiction program. I get there needs to be a certain amount of latitude given by your viewers in terms of setting and technology. You have a police box that can travel in time and space, and even though its nav' circuits seem perpetually locked onto "Present Day London", I understand a certain degree of suspension of disbelief is necessary to even get an invite to this party.

But you know, when you have a device that can re-attach molecular bonds, detect strange goings-onses, intercept and send signals, remotely operate the TARDIS, burn, cut, and ignite substances, fuse metal, scan and identify anything, repair anything, amplify or augment sound, modify mobile phones to enable "universal roaming" (lawwwwwwl), disable alien disguises, resonate concrete to precipitate the single most deviant sexual relationship I've ever come across in film or television, and pretty much solve any problem your writers can't think their way out of, all without a need, or indeed, even a means by which to program or modify said device, most people wouldn't call it a "sonic screwdriver".

They'd call it a fucking MAGIC WAND.

STOP IT.