I have never met a woman who really listens.

At first, sure. But then she launches into whatever quotidian shit she's got trapped under the bullshit I don't want to hear about. Like, I wanna hear about her flossing schedule or how her and her friend Lindsay saw a scary bug.

Look, I'm trying to focus here.

People tell me to come down off my high horse and to what? A low horse? Standing on the ground with the peasants?

Fuck that. I am shamelessly intellectual. Your tv watching? I judge you. You are an inferior being.

Someone get a 6-pack of beer and come talk to me. Please.