What is Real Love?

These days, the subject of love is on everyone’s mind. But what is real love? To me, it’s a deep appreciation of the other person, a sense of gratitude for knowing them and a powerful desire to be a part of their life.

Real love isn’t about finding a person who can fulfill some sort of role for us, whether it’s spouse, lover or co-parent. And it’s not about us doing it for them. Real love is simply valuing each-other and wanting the best for each-other. Real love is respecting each-other and being there for each-other, always.

Three things will tell you if you have real love in your relationship:

1: You’re happy, more often than not (as opposed to a relationship filled with conflict and intensity, which isn’t real love but rather, real drama)

2: You feel good about yourself (as opposed to being filled with shame, self-blame, self-doubt or self-criticism)

3: You’re able to be your best self (as opposed to finding yourself doing or saying things that are beneath you, because the other person makes you so angry or aggravated).

Real love is seeing each-other clearly and accepting each-other for exactly who you are. It’s not idealizing the other person or putting them up on a pedestal. It’s not expecting your partner to be the one thing that makes your life complete.

Real love will feel great but it’s not the cure for what ails you or the one thing that gives you self-esteem or a purpose in life. Real life will enrich you but it won’t transform your entire existence.

You can have real love in your life, as long as you understand that it’s more about simply appreciating the other person and enjoying their company, rather than trying to get the person to do something or be something for you.

Real love means that you’re happy and satisfied with each-other, just as you are. It isn’t about constantly feeling annoyed, disappointed, frustrated, upset, exasperated or confused. It’s not about feeling stupid, bad, useless or to blame for what’s going wrong in your relationship or your life.

Real love never, ever includes being demeaned, abused or made to feel crazy. Above all, real love will elevate both people and make them into the best possible version of themselves.

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