Comparing, an Evil State of Mind

Kate wrote about her own issues with comparisonitis a little while ago. I absolutely identify with what she wrote; it’s pretty difficult to get words down when you constantly feel inadequate compared to all the other people trying to get words down. Knowing other writers likely feel the exact same way doesn’t always help either.


For me, the evil state of mind known as comparing doesn’t always end with writing and present itself as writers block. My comparisonitis spreads to my entire state of being, every aspect of my life, and leads to major emotional paralysis.


I’m 25 years old. For someone past the age, that’s nothing. For someone who is there, it feels really old. As ludicrous as it sounds, 25 years is a long time and I feel grossly unaccomplished in all aspects of my life at this age.


I know this is a stupid way to feel, but it is what it is. I graduated almost four years ago. That’s not a long time, so why I think I need to have my life together right now makes no sense. But all these little points of comparison keep coming up as those around me shift into different life phases…


I don’t have any urge to settle down with a long term partner right now, but others my age are starting to, so I find myself looking around wondering why I don’t want to. The idea of breeding little me’s at this point in time nauseates me, so why on earth am I comparing myself with others doing so?


I have no clear career trajectory at the moment. I’m working on writing and I’m getting through the day job. I have friends who are entering the work force and finding their ideal careers…should I be trying harder to do the same? Writing is a long haul thing. I take it seriously. But things aren’t happening quickly for me like they seem to be for others. Sometimes I worry about that.


In the past 5 years I have started to take my health and fitness quite seriously. I have made enormous strides. Close friends have done likewise and their results are visually obvious. I find myself looking in the mirror wondering if I’m not working as hard as them.


The writing is always a struggle. Our blog touches on it constantly, so I really don’t need to get into minute detail here. As much as I love it, it is not always an easy love.


The list goes on. And on. And on.


A lot of my comparison issues stem from my anxiety and perfectionist tendencies. Logically, I know it’s idiotic to compare my life to others lives even if we’re running along similar trajectories. I am my own person who moves at my own pace.


In my bad moments, it’s hard to listen to that logic. Even as I write this post, acknowledging these little worries, I feel them pulling at me and getting my heart going.


I recently read Jane Goodall’s In the Shadow of Man, her memoir describing her first 10 years at Gombe. She met Louis Leakey at 25 and started her amazing career. At my age, the mighty Jane Goodall, who I obviously idolize, had graduated high school and had taken a secretarial course. She had no idea yet where she was going in life.


I need to remember that I am still fairly young and it’s ok for me not to know what I’m doing in the immediate future because it is pretty wide open.


As Kate said, the only thing you can do to combat the comparison bug is to take small steps in the direction you want to go. That’s my focus this year, small steps towards attainable goals focused on me. The only person I want to compare myself to is me at the start of January, because me at the end of December is going to have all these goals conquered.


The post Comparing, an Evil State of Mind appeared first on Anxiety Ink.

 •  0 comments  •  flag
Share on Twitter
Published on February 17, 2017 00:00
No comments have been added yet.


Anxiety Ink

Kate Larking
Anxiety Ink is a blog Kate Larking runs with two other authors, E. V. O'Day and M. J. King. All posts are syndicated here. ...more
Follow Kate Larking's blog with rss.