Questions for Cathy #9: What to do about Relationship Growth Gaps?

Have you had the experience of growth differences within your romantic relationship (think, upping emotional intelligence)? When two people are on different levels, it’s so very frustrating — well, at least it was for me. You want your mate to catch up already! Then again, you can’t know what you don’t know. So, what’s to be done?

This is what I asked Cathy:

If mates are at different levels in their growth, how can this bridge be gapped? What’s best to do if one becomes frustrated and loses patience with their partner’s slower process?

Cathy:

Many relationships end because the two partners are at different levels of growth. One may be more mature than the other or have more emotional intelligence than the other. This does not necessarily mean that your relationship has to end. However, if you feel you have outgrown your partner, you have to be able to accept them for where they are in their development. You can’t push someone to grow, only encourage. If they do not want to grow, then you have to make a decision if you can accept them for who they are now. If you can’t, then you may look at the possibility of leaving.

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Many people may not even be aware there is a “growth” issue.  If problems aren’t explored, some might think their mate is just being stubborn, unreasonable, etc. Neither may realize that lack of maturity is playing a major role, which only compounds the issue until anger, resentment, and infidelity intervene. It’s best to take inventory, and take action — proaction, like calling Cathy or another reputable therapist. Help really is just a phone call away.

*(Cathy Chambliss: 310-303-9132)