Why I Left the Peace Corps in Lesotho

Many of you enjoyed following my daily life in Lesotho, so it’s been a struggle for me to know what to continue writing about after the end of my service on January 7th, 2017.

Therefore, I’ve decided to share a document I wrote in October 2016, about the pros and cons of my personal experience in my rural village. Please note that this is what I felt at the time, and may be completely different from what other Peace Volunteers go through. I thank the Peace Corps for letting me serve, and once again, this is not to “put down” the Basotho people I met, nor the Peace Corps; it’s just Sonia writing down her thoughts and sifting through the pros and cons so she could make a her final decision.

I want to stress that I do not regret my fifteen, life-changing months in Lesotho, but I cannot sugar-coat my thoughts. I am who I am, and I say what I think.

Why I want to leave the Peace Corps

My village in Lesotho is not a place for me to get healthy. It’s actually a place where I seem to age faster, become apathetic and cynical and feel “used.” Sorry to disappoint you, but if you know me, I can only say what I feel.

Gratitude is not part of the Basotho culture, and as one South African woman told me, “Africans see white people as walking ATMs.” I can tell you this is exactly how I feel, and although many white people may think this is not politically correct, I don’t care. I will only listen to you if you’ve lived in a rural village in Africa recently, for over a year like I have, otherwise, you have no idea what it’s like.

I am often so bored with my life here, to the point where I feel claustrophobic and in jail in my rondavel.

October 2016. The lowest point when I felt jailed behind the burglar bars of my rondavel. I processed my thoughts about the pros and cons of continuing with my Peace Corps service.

There is no intellectual stimulation or conversation in my rural village; people don’t read or listen to international news, and I don’t speak Sesotho (my own fault) but I do know enough about my village that it’s mostly staring at people all day long, and gossiping.

I cannot leave my village when I want to; there are only three public taxi vans in the morning, and due to a lack of scheduling, these often show up one after the other at 6:10, 6:11 and 6:12. Makes no sense, but neither does my life in Lesotho where I spend my time trying to teach children English, and after one year, they cannot even answer “Have you had lunch?”

I thrive on being active both physically, at the gym or swimming, and intellectually, talking to people, learning and attending workshops. I cannot do this in Lesotho, except when I meet expats.

My body is aching from sitting on a bed for hours with my laptop, and a mattress that hurts my back, despite the extra plank I put underneath.

I cannot stand watching how dogs are treated in my village, and people throwing stones at them.

I’ve experienced most of what I can possibly learn in my village and my school, and another year is simply a continuation of what I’ve already seen and I am becoming less integrated, more frustrated and lazy like my fellow African teachers.

I need more in my life than gossip, sitting on a chair and trying to motivate children who are too hungry and poor to realize the value of education.

In order to understand my feelings and to make a sound decision, I am writing a list of pros and cons.

Sonia’s Pros

A life-changing opportunity
Personal growth
Learning how to manage a project in an African country
Overcoming challenges
Overcoming my divorce
Gratitude for my life in California
Appreciation of food, coffee, books, libraries, workshops, weather, fresh vegetables, salmon, cheese, bread, wine and driving somewhere when I want to go, freedom.

Sonia’s Cons

No intellectual stimulation apart from radio and online
Teachers don’t seem to care, and spend too much time on their cell phones instead of teaching
The children are not learning English
The children spend most of Friday cleaning and not learning
Children are treated like “mini servants” by teachers. “Get me my food.”
I’m becoming lazy as I don’t see results
Too much gossip and my counterpart has lost interest
No guidance from Principal
No teaching shedule or bell between classes
Corruption and overall lack of caring about children
No adult intelligent conversation
People sit and stare for hours
Jealousy among villagers
Asking me for money constantly
My loneliness
Boredom
No convenient taxis
Stress over when taxi is coming
Constant shouting which sounds like anger
Beating animals, throwing rocks at them
Having to greet people I don’t know, and why is it always me first?
Loud, ear-piercing music
Dangerous taxi drivers talking on cell phone and changing gears while steering at same time
Dangerous roads and driving on opposite side of street
No friend next door to open up to
No restaurants or grocery stores
No TV
No coffee shops
Eyes staring through my plastic bags to see what I’ve bought to eat
Get to school and nothing happens for at least an hour and a half
No structure
No motivation
No one reads books
People stare when I carry my pee bucket
Lack of communication
Culture is lazy, and they admit it themselves
No showers
No toilet

I returned to Orange County, California on January 17th, and have ideas about what to do next. I’m going to share these in future posts; in the meantime, I’m resettling, organizing my life back in California, and enjoying my time with  wonderful friends, and of course my three sons.

 

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