I don't want you, but I want you to want me

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, I had this girlfriend, see? We were together several months, almost a year if I remember right. Things were going ok I thought, but apparently she came to her senses when I wasn't looking and dumped my punk ass.

So I'm all dumped and heartbroken and sad, playing "Losing My Religion" over and over again.

A week or two goes by and, just like Stella, I started to get my groove back. Me and my now ex-girlfriend had a lot of the same friends, ran in a lot of the same circles, so we kept bumping into each other. It was distant, awkward between us, but civil.

Then one day I met this new cute chick and started trying to get with her. I became hilarious. That's what I do when I want a woman: become hilarious. So I'm all making her laugh with my profuse and brilliant hilarity and she was digging on me and things were going well. My ex-girlfriend gets wind of my new hobby and starts calling me up, flirting, making it seem like she wanted back with me. I still had feelings for her so I was confused. I still wanted her, I guess. So she takes me out to dinner, we hang, but nothing happened. As soon as my confusion wore off and I thought we had a chance of getting back together, I forgot all about the new cute chick and started pining and whining for my ex. She then turned off, ignored me.

So I'm all sad and heartbroken again, playing "Fade To Black" over and over.

Then one day I meet another cute chick. She was REALLY cute, too. I still remember her to this day and in this galaxy with fond, throbbing erections. She liked me back, too. She wasn't even developmentally disabled or anything. Not only did I become hilarious for her, I completely opened up my big honkin' can of awesome. She was thoroughly smitten.

We banged in the graveyard, we banged in the bathroom at parties, we banged in the car behind the MiniMart at 3 in the morning, all drunk and all high.

Then here comes the ex a-calling, saying she misses me, wishes we'd hang out more, blah blah, blah. What the fuck? Good thing this new girl was so hot or I may have become confused again.

"What was your name again?" I said to her, and that was the end of that.