it sounds like your husband is abusing you and i’m so sorry that it’s happening to you. i think that you need to go and speak with a professional about it. i’m just a 22 year old poet and i’m not qualified to give you advice, i certainly don’t want to be irresponsible about it. on the other hand, if you’d like to talk to me, just talk and get some love and kindness, you can always always send me a message.