Forgive, but Don't Forget
We can be awfully hard on other people, can't we? But we are harder on ourselves by far. Every mistake we have ever made is firmly engraved on our consciousness, much more so than all the things that we have done right. And when life feels crappy, all those failures, things gone awry, silly or serious mistakes come back in gangs to taunt us.
You have to forgive yourself. Whatever you have done, you must say sorry to yourself, to the universe, to whomever you affected, and then you must forgive yourself.
Did you know that every seven years you are a whole new you? That's how long it takes for every cell in your body to die and be replaced. Are you still carrying around negative thoughts from years before all those cells in your current body every existed? Really?
Did you learn the lesson(s) that came from the whatever it is you're beating yourself up over? Our blunders reaffirm that we are only human. But learning from our mistakes is the only way to avoid falling into the same pothole again and again. So, forchrissakes, learn the lesson. And then move on. Constantly casting over your shoulder, self-recrimination and penance won't get you to the next place you want to be. Forgiving yourself, accepting that what is done is done, and taking steps forward will.
The old saying, "Forgive and forget" has got it wrong. Yes, you must forgive. But don't ever forget. To forget means you have not learned the lesson; you're so wrapped in the pain of your failure that you won't deal with it; instead you push it to a place where you don't have to think about it. That's not good.
Yes, the memory of your misstep may be painful. But you must deal with it, must get to a place where you can forgive yourself, before you'll really heal. Take that memory and wrap it in tissue paper and tuck it in a box in your mind. But don't just leave it there. Every now and then take it out, unwrap it, and have a good look at it. One day you'll unwrap it and the pain will be gone. You will have forgiven. You can move on.
If you find your mind filled with things like, "I'm such an idiot," or "I ruined everything," or "I'm so stupid," or "I can't," you are running the tapes of the unforgiven. Time to figure out what you're mad at yourself for – sometimes people don't know, they're just stuck with the tapes – and do some forgiving.
Are there things for which you need to forgive yourself? How are you doin'?
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