Publishing stuff: Failure and Rocking in Corners

Sometimes you have to suck to realize you don’t suck.

I was going to hold off on talking about publishing making you rock in the corner and all that jazz, because I feel like there are more fun posts I was asked to talk about when I’m in procrastination mode, but recently it’s like The Hunger Games up in Authorlandia.

 

Ya’ll know what I’m talking. You’re innocently scrolling through Facebook, mouth watering at all those damn Tasty videos that have convinced you that you can be a chef, and you stumble across your favorite author/author friend and a straight up crisis is unfolding before your unsuspecting eyes.

You are all like “OH NOES!” You start to get ready to tell them everything that is wonderful about them. You’re seconds from DMing or texting them a series of different color hearts and hug emoticons. You’re ready to tell them they are special in a world full of specialness, but you stop, because… because as an author or reader or as a human being, you’ve seen this all before. Some of us may have even felt this way before.

 

“I can’t make the words happen. No one is reading my books. More readers are pirating my books than buying them. No one is buying my books. I didn’t have great sales first week out. I did have great sales but didn’t hit a list. I’m going to have to get a job. I’m not going to be able to do this writing thing anymore. And that author over there is the nastiest, skank, bitch I have ever met. Do not trust her. Yeah, I just quoted Mean Girls (or tried to), but there’re also those posts. Maybe not written that way. Anyway, I could go on and on, but you get the point. The sky is truly falling for the individual kind of posts.”

I’m not making fun of any of those types of posts, because those posts and those feelings are not fun and they are real. The truth is, every author, no matter how successful they are or how successful you think they are, have felt one or more of the things above. Some just aren’t open about it. Some don’t post on social media and end up rocking in a dark corner of their home, softly crying over and over, “I don’t wanna. I don’t wanna.”

 

Another truth is that people outside of Authorlandia feel this way about their jobs at some point. Feeling like you suck or that you’re a failure is not something unique to being a writer. It’s pretty much a human condition.

But why is it so corner-rocking inducing in publishing? That’s a question I feel like psychologists would have a field day with. I have a few ideas of why authors feel like they suck so much, which leads to one of the worse things that can happen to an author.

We lose the love of writing for the sake of writing.

Doing a good job is not easily measureable.

When you’re a writer, you don’t get promotions if you hit your word count for the day unless you consider eating Chipotle for lunch a promotion (I’m talking about you, Megan Erickson). You don’t get a star next to your name if you finish your book on time and no one is sending you a congratulatory email when you do your edits without throwing your laptop out a window. You work and work and work with little to no reliable positive reinforcement. This can be tiresome. It would be for anyone. Especially when there’s all the other stuff going on. I think one of the ways to counter this is to give yourself rewards for hitting your goals. It’s not something you have to be public about. Or you can be, but don’t put weight behind how many people comment or like a post where you’re talking about rewarding yourself with a new purse because you finished a book. Your rewards should be designed for you and only you.

Doing a good job is usually only measured by sales.

So, you can write and finish an amazing book and STILL your sales look like a ball rolling down an ice-covered hill no matter how much marketing you or a publisher does. Our self worth as an author is tied to how many people are buying our book in the first weeks of release. And the bestseller lists? We all know that aren’t the most accurate things around and still we put so much value on them. It’s a rabbit hole every author falls down at some point. We put so much value on units sold that we lose sight of how truly magical ONE sale is. We forget why we’re doing this in the first place. We forget what it felt like way back in the beginning when we were just happy that someone other than a friend or family member was reading a book of ours.

Authorlandia can be a little… okay a lot about IMAGE.

I don’t know if it’s always been like this and I’m just noticing it or if this is a new thing, but Authorlandia can kind of be like a weird reality show. Maybe it’s the whole social media culture, but authors aren’t just judged on their work and most of the judging is not coming from readers. There’s a lot of pressure to look the role of an author, to keep up the IMAGE of a successful author, whatever the hell that is, but I know some authors know what I’m talking about. Be the best or coolest dressed at signings, have the best banners or be represented by the current cool publicity company, have the nicest house to share on IG or the best collection of purses or shoes. Have the hottest cover designer working on your covers. Need to have a personal assistant even if you really don’t need one. Be friends with all the cool authors. Get invited to the best signings. Have the largest followers. Have to write full time. Sometimes it’s like Real Authors of Authorlandia. It’s a whole lot of keeping up with the Joneses. Some authors have never felt that pressure, but many have. All these image-based things are tied to success in our minds, and I guess the only way to fix that is to snip, snip away at those ties. None of those things are really going to help you sell books long-term. None of those things represent success in the real world and trying to keep up with whoever we think is better than us can be a mentally, emotionally, and financially draining ordeal that is a one way ticket to that corner.

I want to take a moment to focus on the whole full-time writing thing. And this is a touchy subject, because this is the one I think we’re seeing a lot of. Many authors will never write full time. Some choose not too. Either they love their “day job” or they love having a steady income they can count on. Please keep that in mind, we don’t live in bubbles. When talking about having to get a job like it’s the start of a zombie outbreak, it can be kind of insulting to other authors out there… and to readers. Some will never be able to afford to write full time. The statistics of how many authors can make a living off their writing alone is a sobering number, and what we’ve seen recently is many making that leap without long-term financial planning. When you live off of your writing income alone, that’s extremely stressful. Don’t add that kind of stress to already stressful job unnecessarily. Seek advisement, not from other authors, but actual people in finance before making such a huge, life-altering choice. But please, please remember that writing full time is not a barometer of how successful you are.

Success can be a fickle beast

If one thing is always true in publishing is that if success is only based on sales or lists, you’re putting your eggs in a fickle success basket. Because whoever is on top today most likely will not be a few years done the road. There’s always, ALWAYS going to be someone doing better and always, ALWAYS going to be someone you’re doing better than. I think the whole idea of success should be a personal thing. It should never be based on how others view you or how you view yourself compared to others.

 

Sometimes we do it to ourselves.

I’m a firm believer in a little bit of tough love goes a long a way, so here’s my fist to the throat tough love. Sometimes we do it to ourselves. It’s true. While it’s making really bad decisions that everyone around us warned us not to do, ignoring good advice, quitting jobs way too soon or even the way we talk about our books online to readers, sharing too much about ourselves or not sharing enough that we actually seem like humans with personalities outside of writing, we kind of did it to ourselves. That can be a bitter pill to swallow, but we’ve all swallowed it at some time. God knows I’ve made stupid choices. I have friends who made stupid choices. It happens. Very few mistakes can’t be undone. Recognize where you may be doing yourself more harm than good and start changing that.

We actually don’t know what we’re doing

Someone asked me recently what my brand was and I had a crisis of self. I was like uh, my brand is writing books? Apparently that’s not a brand. None of us really know what we’re doing. Half of the people who sell a crap ton of books probably couldn’t tell you how or why. The market is all over the place and none of know what the next big thing is or what the next big thing is now. I mean, hell, only recently I realized that boosting and sponsoring a post on Facebook was two different things. No one has all the answers.

Failure is not the end

All of us are going to fail at some point at this whole writing thing. It’s just a part of the business. Sometimes we have to fail to do better. Sometimes we have to feel like we suck to realize that we don’t. Sometimes we just need a kick in the butt. Sometimes we just need a break. And sometimes we need to have our meltdowns to feel grounded again. And I guess this is where one of the best pieces of advice I was ever given comes into play.

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Keep your head down and keep writing.

 

And finally, a disclaimer:

My first book was published in 2011. Since then, I’ve had close to 40 (give or take a few) books published through multiple methods. I am but a flash in the pan in the big scheme of things. Even with my experience, I’m still not the best person to dispense advice. I mean, I know some things. I pay attention. I educate myself. I never make assumptions when it comes to publishing or different types of publishing. But there are authors out there doing this thing for DECADES. Decades, people. I’m still just a baby at this, and that’s something to keep in mind when an author has only a handful of books or a handful of years and are speaking from a place of authority. Even if someone has a ton of success in a short period of time doesn’t mean they’re the disembodied voice of the publishing gods. Success is a strange, fickle beast, and it does not always mean someone is well-experienced. There may also be typos in this post, because I’m human.

 

 

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