A Contemplation of Firsts

Sorry that I’ve been on such a hiatus! Christmas was chaotic, and I figured you all were pretty busy as well. I kind of suck at the “be sure and blog on a consistent schedule” marketing mantra. I prefer to blog with you all when I have something I think might be halfway interesting to talk about. At Christmas, let’s face it. We’re all too busy to talk about anything but our to-do lists! Hope everyone had a happy holiday.

Anyway, It’s the first of the year for most folks, which was making me ponder random "firsts." Not resolutions. I’ll get to that in a moment. Some firsts are good, some are meh, some are bad. But something I’ve noticed is that every “first” is like a coin, two-sided. Let me give you five examples:

1) The first time a person has sex can sometimes be bad, though often it’s just “meh,” because a lot of it is fumbling through mechanics and the personality differences between the two lovers. Whereas the first time you make love, wow. That tells you everything sex could and should be with another, right?

2) Now, on the BDSM side – there was the first time my husband tied me up at my request. I was such a hot mess of emotions about it, I fell apart, not sure how to deal with how strongly I wanted to embrace my submissive orientation. A few years later, I walked into a BDSM club for the first time. Because of the journey I’d walked since that first tie-up scene, I felt like I’d come home, and was delighted instead of freaked out by how much this was a part of me.

3) There’s a great line from Star Trek Next Generation, where Captain Picard says “Recently, I've become aware that there are fewer days ahead than there are behind.” But later, he follows that up with this: “Someone once told me that time was a predator that stalked us all our lives. But I rather believe than time is a companion who goes with us on the journey, and reminds us to cherish every moment because they'll never come again. What we leave behind is not as important how we lived.” So when mortality first hits us can be scary; realizing that you can live a lifetime in a single moment, a single day, is a comfort.

4) I have a card I found shortly after my mother passed. It shows two polar bears, a mother cradling her cub. Inside, it says: “Before I knew anything else, I knew what it was to be loved.” In short, if the first thing I knew was the love of my mother, how blessed I am to have a gift like that one upon which to build my life, even in her absence?

5) The first time I realized the ups and downs of the publishing business could suck an author’s soul dry, I was comforted because I’d already experienced a far more important first. I’d realized how much I loved creating a story and getting lost in the characters. That never dims. So publishing gremlins, do your worst. I’ll still like writing stories, even if I’m the only one that reads them, lol.

So there are some random ruminations about firsts. Now, resolutions. I’ve never done those. I’m so goal-oriented and OCD, all my resolutions are usually well in process before January 1 ever hits. However I hope to do a few things this year – get my finances more manageable; write 2-3 books; catch a very elusive feral calico cat and get her spayed; and do better at learning how to relax and enjoy leisure time, making the most of it. That way I can experience more fun firsts! Anyhow, see you next time I have some kind of brilliant (or at least not incredibly boring) idea for a blog topic. Cheers…

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Oh, before I go, want to see the cover for my upcoming release, Truly Helpless? This will be Mistress Regina and Marius’s story, the next in the Nature of Desire series! I hope to have a free excerpt for you all on the website in the coming weeks. I’ll keep you posted.