In praise of the universal banana

How many uses for a banana are there? I can think of a few.

mimikaki for people with large ears
if tied to the bottom of feet they are a cheap alternative to roller blades by virtue of the slippy quality of banana skins
a crutch for a small person
a device for cleaning around the U-bend in toilets
a neck support for passengers on long haul flights
a stirrer for your tea
a friend to talk to
using advanced laser technology, a banana could be a device for storing huge amounts of information such as a novel like War and Peace: using clever mathematical formula you can encode War and Peace as a single long number: using clever laser technology you measure the exact mid point of the banana, then convert your number code for W&P to a fraction of one, and burn a line exactly that fraction of a centimetre from the mid point of a banana, and voila, you have the entire contents of W&P stored on a banana
a non-returning boomerang
a dug-out canoe for mice
an artificial chonmage
a lump in your pocket
prosthetic fingers for amputees
a snorkel for people who don’t do their snorkelling under water
vegetarian sausages

[image error]

A chicken

These bananas feature in Chris Page’s collection of short fiction, Un-Tall Tales, which you can find on Amazon, or explore further on it’s very own site.