Ask General Kang: Is it a correction? Please tell me it's just a correction! Should I sell?

Yep, there's nothing trickier to manipulate than a system based on fear and greed.

You humans should consider changing your approach to markets. Back on my home planet, I changed our stock market system to take most of the greed out of it, and increased the amount of fear.

How, you ask?

Simple. On a day like yesterday, anyone who managed to grab a profit out of the mass hysteria would be in big trouble.

How big, you ask?

Well, depending on the size of the profit, the traders could expect anything from a visit from Dave the Angry Rhesus monkey (armed with a pain stick and wet noodles), to being body-shaved, covered with nougat, and dropped into one of several nests of Parventian Rough-Tongued Terror Beasts.

So, on a day like yesterday, the question changes from: "can I make a profit out of the hysteria" or "should I sell and save myself" to "DARE I sell to make a profit/save myself."

Next time: I believe in love after love — is that wrong?
Alltop used to room with Dave the Angry Rhesus monkey in college. Originally published in February , 2007.