2016
Damn, what a year.
At the moment, I want to curse the whole thing and it has absolutely nothing to do with Trump being elected... and quickly, on that point, we have a lot more to worry about with Trump in 2017 than wasting more time lamenting over the election... so there! Now back to whatever i was going to say...
The last half of this year was particularly rough. It forced me through some hard and dark places internally, but places i'm at least glad to understand now. It's still a little fresh, so i'm actually forcing myself to write this recollection because I know it will help. Writing it out always helps :)
I'll start with the good parts.
I went on a wonderful trip south this summer that was full of reconnecting old ties. It started with a childhood friend's wedding and it was damn lovely to kick it with the old crew again. I almost didn't recognize some of them, but after a couple minutes everything felt so familiar! A decade couldn't change that.
From there I caught a plane to Memphis, TN to find my grandfather. It had been even longer than a decade since i had seen him, sadly because of some bullshit family drama that really has nothing to do with me, but I was on a mission, dammit! My grandfather had finally been committed to a home because his Alzheimer's was getting severe. He saw slipping away and all i ever knew of the man was his career--a life long career he devoted as a Psychiatrist specializing in Epilepsy and some touches on Bi-polar Disorder. A brilliant, multilingual man whose 48 publications can be found in 4 different languages on the shelves of 726 libraries across Europe and the United States, and for some petty reason i had more than one family member trying to stop me. Unfortunately for them, i wasn't going to be stopped... and fortunately for me, I had one cousin in Memphis that was on my side and put me up for a few nights. I took N: Poems and Stories with a short note addressed inside with me to the home, not really expecting much of anything to connect. I was just happy to see his face, but then he saw my last name on the cover and perked right up. That, paired with the note I had written to him, miraculously made it all click. When he grabbed my hand like a grandfather would, Oi... did I become a sniveling mess, hah! But, damn... for half an hour i had my grandfather this year, and that might sound small to some people, but it was honestly quite momentous!
Right after that trip, though, was when i was hit with one big fucking dose of reality that knocked me down and snuffed me out for just about the rest of the year. (warning: overdone metaphor on the way. Deal with it, assholes <3) I was left half-heatedly fanning embers and if it hadn't been for the people i had met this year, goddamn... I don't know where i'd be. No where good, I'm sure, but these wonderful people kept coming by with tinder and sticks to offer. Some would even blow on the coals for a bit when my fanning became rather pathetic, and then one utterly unexpected person brought me a log and was like, "Here! Let this one smolder a bit." and i was like, "Whoa, dude. Thanks!"
Somewhere among all this i managed to get N: Volume Two out, not without some mishaps, but still YAY ME! It was literally the last couple weeks of 2016 when i realized i had me a flame again, and now, with my trusty ax over my shoulder, I'm gonna get me a 2017 tree! So watch out! This Bitch is gonna burn bright :)
So... in conclusion, I guess I don't really have much to curse at the moment. Some serious shit happened, but i pulled through with a greater understanding of certain aspects of the world and certain aspects of myself. Those are some very precious things that i would never trade,and the whole thing could almost be looked at as a blessing (Nope. Too soon.)
Tonight, I raise my glass to the wonderful people that got me to the other side of this life changing year. A cousin that believed in my quest, a roommate that had all the tools and support i really needed, and then a few others who are well aware of who they are.
Cheers, Motherfuckers! <3
At the moment, I want to curse the whole thing and it has absolutely nothing to do with Trump being elected... and quickly, on that point, we have a lot more to worry about with Trump in 2017 than wasting more time lamenting over the election... so there! Now back to whatever i was going to say...
The last half of this year was particularly rough. It forced me through some hard and dark places internally, but places i'm at least glad to understand now. It's still a little fresh, so i'm actually forcing myself to write this recollection because I know it will help. Writing it out always helps :)
I'll start with the good parts.
I went on a wonderful trip south this summer that was full of reconnecting old ties. It started with a childhood friend's wedding and it was damn lovely to kick it with the old crew again. I almost didn't recognize some of them, but after a couple minutes everything felt so familiar! A decade couldn't change that.
From there I caught a plane to Memphis, TN to find my grandfather. It had been even longer than a decade since i had seen him, sadly because of some bullshit family drama that really has nothing to do with me, but I was on a mission, dammit! My grandfather had finally been committed to a home because his Alzheimer's was getting severe. He saw slipping away and all i ever knew of the man was his career--a life long career he devoted as a Psychiatrist specializing in Epilepsy and some touches on Bi-polar Disorder. A brilliant, multilingual man whose 48 publications can be found in 4 different languages on the shelves of 726 libraries across Europe and the United States, and for some petty reason i had more than one family member trying to stop me. Unfortunately for them, i wasn't going to be stopped... and fortunately for me, I had one cousin in Memphis that was on my side and put me up for a few nights. I took N: Poems and Stories with a short note addressed inside with me to the home, not really expecting much of anything to connect. I was just happy to see his face, but then he saw my last name on the cover and perked right up. That, paired with the note I had written to him, miraculously made it all click. When he grabbed my hand like a grandfather would, Oi... did I become a sniveling mess, hah! But, damn... for half an hour i had my grandfather this year, and that might sound small to some people, but it was honestly quite momentous!
Right after that trip, though, was when i was hit with one big fucking dose of reality that knocked me down and snuffed me out for just about the rest of the year. (warning: overdone metaphor on the way. Deal with it, assholes <3) I was left half-heatedly fanning embers and if it hadn't been for the people i had met this year, goddamn... I don't know where i'd be. No where good, I'm sure, but these wonderful people kept coming by with tinder and sticks to offer. Some would even blow on the coals for a bit when my fanning became rather pathetic, and then one utterly unexpected person brought me a log and was like, "Here! Let this one smolder a bit." and i was like, "Whoa, dude. Thanks!"
Somewhere among all this i managed to get N: Volume Two out, not without some mishaps, but still YAY ME! It was literally the last couple weeks of 2016 when i realized i had me a flame again, and now, with my trusty ax over my shoulder, I'm gonna get me a 2017 tree! So watch out! This Bitch is gonna burn bright :)
So... in conclusion, I guess I don't really have much to curse at the moment. Some serious shit happened, but i pulled through with a greater understanding of certain aspects of the world and certain aspects of myself. Those are some very precious things that i would never trade,
Tonight, I raise my glass to the wonderful people that got me to the other side of this life changing year. A cousin that believed in my quest, a roommate that had all the tools and support i really needed, and then a few others who are well aware of who they are.
Cheers, Motherfuckers! <3
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