12/30/2016
I’ve just finished writing roughly 1500 words, 1300 of which I am happy about. The other 200 can go fuck themselves cause that was straight absent-minded trash.
I’ve developed a theory lately that I’m watching play out before my eyes each and everyday. There is magic in this world, and it exist in this present life.
When you have a singular focus in your life, and you remain centered around a specific goal, things sort of magnetize toward that goal. I truly believe that and am determined to make that my personal premise. I hope that one day my life’s story will prove that premise.
It’s easy to dwell on all the things that we don’t have, and all the opportunities we’ve failed to take. It’s equally easy to convince ourselves that we are incapable of making a true difference, unable to become more than we are. How nice things would be if we were limited to the current capabilities of our mind, and that beer we drink after a long day at work will always be the high-point of our lives.
But the truth is different, and somewhere deep down, we know that. When we really try to improve our lives, we take steps. Each step comes one at a time, but they’re still steps.
A wealthy man used to stop by my table whenever he’d see me working at Starbucks to say hello. I came to know him as a friend, but during that journey I came to learn his unbelievable background.
He was in the navy and married young, and once he was finished serving he grew to be very close to his wife (allegedly, many members of our armed forces marry at a young age more because they receive financial benefits than because they fall so deeply in love). So he said that he had come to actually love his wife, which I recall him saying with a smirk. But two weeks after his wife was discovered to be pregnant with their first, sorta-planned child, he lost his wife. He told me she lost her in a car accident, but someone who knows him once told me she hung herself. The guy who told me that was a piece of shit, however, so I took that with a grain of salt.
Anyways, after he lost his wife, he really, seriously, struggled. They’d just purchase their first place together, and were depending more on her income then his. Family helped initially, but he began spending their donated funds on alcohol. He said within six months he became a full-blown alcoholic.
His family lost their patience, and soon he lost his home. He moved back in with his parents but developed into a “really nasty, awful person.” His folks gave him the boot, and he wound up living on the streets. He said he was homeless for the next five years, with a brief stint in jail & a brief stint in an apartment sandwiched in between.
After living like this for five years, he said that he finally reached a point where he realized he would never, ever, know happiness or love again. It always struck him as odd that this was his turning point.
He said that back then 24 hour fitness gyms charged a $20 per month membership. He realized that if he cut down on alcohol intake to 1 bottle and 1 six pack per day, he could afford that. So he did, and he saved, and soon he had his membership. Now, the reason he wanted this membership was so that he could have a place to shower and shave everyday, because he knew full-well he wouldn’t be getting hired as dirty as he was.
The problem was, he would need to pool together another $30 for a towel, deoderant, soap, a razor, etc.
…I’m sorry. This story is taking me way longer to write than I thought it would. I’ll try to complete it tomorrow, and I apologize for the abrupt ending.
