Waves, weakness, and the perfection of faith

A Scriptural Reflection on the Readings for Sunday, August 7, 2011, Nineteenth Sunday in Ordinary Time | Carl E. Olson

Readings:
• 1 Kgs 19:9a, 11-13a
• Psa 85:9, 10, 11-12, 13-14
• Rom 9:1-5
• Mt 14:22-33

Three weeks after graduating from high school, I left the small town I had spent my entire life in and moved to a large city a thousand miles away to attend art school. The combination of loneliness and culture shock was a powerful one. During my first few weeks there I would often wonder if I had made a mistake. My lax prayer life suddenly came to life, and I often prayed and cried in unison as I coped with homesickness.

During those times of darkness I began to appreciate my weaknesses and the strength of God. I came to understand that God was using my new situation to humble me and to turn my focus upon Him. It's a lesson I continue to learn, of course, and will the rest of my life. It is also a lesson the great saints learned, in various ways, as today's Gospel demonstrates.

The account of the disciples tossed on the stormy sea in the early hours of the morning—between 3:00 and 6:00—is a dramatic one. I've read it many times and in doing so I've often focused on Peter's failing. "What did he become frightened?" I would wonder. "After all, he was actually walking on water!" But this overlooks a couple of essential points: the greatness of Peter's faith and love, and my own failure, in so many ways, to keep my eyes upon Jesus amid the storms of life.

After all, I doubt I would have had the faith to step out of the boat in the first place. On the contrary, what I share most with Peter is his weakness! And so my admiration for him continues to grow. The head apostle had many obvious qualities, especially his brash, pugnacious spirit. But it is his deep love for Jesus and devotion to him that stands out more and more.

Jerome, in his commentary on Matthew's Gospel, wrote, "Peter is found to be of ardent faith at all times." Yet, as we know, Peter's ardent faith was often imperfect. The same was true of the other apostles. Their love for Jesus was profound, but their faith had to grow, to deepen, and to be purified. It was necessary for their faith be tested since they would each face persecution and all of them (with the exception of John) would be martyred for their loyalty to Christ. They would, in other words, have to endure the darkest depths of human solitude and suffering.

In the Old Testament, the ocean and seas were often symbols of primordial chaos and dark powers: "Rescue me from my enemies and from the watery depths. Do not let the floodwaters overwhelm me, nor the deep swallow me, nor the mouth of the pit close over me" (Ps 69:15b-16). By walking on the violent waters, Jesus demonstrated his power over the elements—a power only the Creator possesses. His divinity is further revealed in his response to the disciples: "Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid." Or, more literally: "Take courage, I AM", the same name revealed to Moses by Yahweh in the burning bush.

Why did Jesus wait so long to rescue the disciples? It is the question we all ask in those moments of difficulty, as I did in my late teens. Erasmo Leiva-Merikakis, in his commentary on the Gospel of Matthew, notes that there is a profound "law of the spiritual life" demonstrated in this story: "that in order to come to the point where we can finally abandon ourselves totally to God, we must first feel what appears to be utter abandonment by God…"

Our fears, doubts, and terrors are not best overcome in comfort and warmth, but in the cold darkness of the night, when we come face to face with our mortal fragility and Christ's perfect strength. It is then that he reaches out and catches us. Freed from ourselves, we can then say with tested faith and burnished love, "Truly, you are the Son of God."

(This "Opening the Word" column originally appeared in the August 10, 2008, edition of Our Sunday Visitor newspaper.)