Putting Out An All Points Bulletin

It'sDecember 16thin this part of theWorldand it is onlyNine More Daysuntil some fat guy comes busting into your home,leaving candyand presents under an overpriced tree for all of your kids.Don't we always tell are kids not to talk to strangers?But we will let a rosy cheeked,rotund,bear of a man entice our children with gifts.And the size of the tree you have is all relative too.One year I thought I would"Save A Tree"by putting out a pine scented cardboard cutout of a tree that said"Air Freshener"on it,and my kids got microscopic presents,one and all.This guy chains animals,in a procession line,of barbaric cruelty to pull his overloaded outdated carriage.He dresses up his work force,all in green tights,which seems a little perverted to me since they aren't even Irish,making them work dayand night to meet his deadline.No time off for theHolidays,never a pay raise,no maternity leave,and if they don't live up to his strict production quotas,they are thrown out in the cold.They are theBob Cratchitof employees for the businessman,Scrooge!What is this about that he knows who has been naughtyor nice business?It says to me that he has been spying on my house to take a peek at my kids covertly.A Peeping Tom!I'm starting aNeighborhood Watchdog Groupand we are going to take this guy down.I don't want to say I am a vigilante,but if he has photographs of my kids on him,playing in my yardor in my house,that will be the last time his fingers will ever be able to work a camera!Where does he get his funding for this yearly project?With all the data he has been collecting has he been selling the information to theCIA,MI-6,orKBG?Or is it organization,so secret,so underground,that the average person hasn't even heard of them.Like maybe theNorth Pole Fairy Secret Police!That's it.This is all a plot forWorld Domination.First the children,then the teenagers,and it can go on from there.We must all band togetherand stop this so calledJolly Fat Man.We don't know how he gets his jollies.All we know is that he breaks into our houses,while we are asleep,eats our cookiesand drinks our milk,and is gone before anyone ever sees him.Not this year.This year myNeighborhood Watchdog Group,The Anti-Santas,is going to put a stop to this hippo,once and for all! This is,Putting Out An All Points Bulletin For This Guy,Jim Hauenstein,
And,
“Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies!”
- Francis Pharcellus Church -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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