Fun with idioms

I love idioms. English is one of the most idiomatic languages in the world, which is one of the many reasons it’s so awesome.

I started thinking about this because this morning someone asked me if I drank coffee or tea to get my juices flowing. “Tea,” I said. “I’m a big tea guy.” But even though I drank a pot of tea this morning, as I do most mornings, the juices did not get flowing. And what juices? Flowing where?

Once I was reading an article in the paper about an American businessman. He was in Russia, where the company he worked for was expanding, and had to give a speech to a group of investors. Since he only spoke English and the investors only spoke Russian, his speech would be translated as he gave it. The businessman started off with a greeting and some pleasantries, one of which was “I’m tickled to death to be here.” The translator, who was Russian, was not familiar with this particular idiom and rendered it “Being here is like getting scratched to death.”

Whoops.

I consider myself a nice person. I do not hate anyone’s guts, unless I’m caught with my pants down kicking up a stink about spreading myself too thin. A lot of people say I have half-baked ideas and they scream at me like their hair’s on fire, saying I’m dumber than a door knob. But I never lose heart because I am so happy-go-lucky. Some say that my humor is off color, but really it’s off the hook or off the rails–or just off the mark.

Ignore me. I don’t have the foggiest idea what I’m talking about.