Where The Hell Did This Fork Come From?!

Seriously. This thing has been hanging around our house for many years, possibly a decade or more. Where the hell did it come from?! It’s an outlier. There are no other forks like it in the silverware drawer. So, what the shit, man? How did it get in here? What’s its history?

I hate that rogue fork, and will not use it. Toney knows this by now, and never assigns it to me. But in the past I’d make a point of getting up and trading it for an official sanctioned utensil, something I can assume we actually purchased somewhere along the way. God only knows this thing’s background. I’m thinking it rode in with an outside pasta salad, or something, and never left.

And look at it! I hate the way that center groove is longer than the other ones. It’s trying too hard. There’s no way in hell I’d ever be standing in a store and say, “Yes! That is the fork for me.” And that rose pattern on the handle? Fuck that shit.

Sure, I could throw it in the trash and have considered it many times. Believe me. However, it’s functional and everybody else in the house uses it with no problem. How is this possible?! Anyway, I have a hard time tossing something that still works. Probably because I grew up during the depression. OK, that part’s not true. But I still don’t like throwing something away that has an ongoing purpose. Ya know?

There’s also a highly questionable towel up in here. I’m talking a full-sized bath towel, with a completely unknown origin story. WTF?? How does this keep happening? I wouldn’t even touch that horrible thing for years, but at this point… it’s been washed hundreds of times. Whatever ball spores or cooter residue was embedded in the fabric has long since been eradicated. So, I use it. But I’m never thrilled about it.

Do you have any rogue items in your home? Things you notice every once in a while, and think, “Seriously, how did that crap get in here?” If so, please share in the comments.

I have to be at work early today, so I need to cut this one a little short. But before I go, I want to recommend another holiday gift item for you guys. How about 38,400 batteries?! Imagine the looks of pure joy when your loved ones unwrap the pallet! Buy a dozen or more.

Also, I meant to mention this last time… Metten and Lakrfool are starting to resurrect Mockable. It’s still early days, but please check it out. Those are a couple of funny dudes, right there.

I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great weekend!

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