The Disaster that is Expectation
Expectation is the worst. When you get an idea in your head, or worse a mental image, and it’s so perfect and lovely and you can’t wait for it to happen…but then it doesn’t. That’s the worst. But let’s be real here, isn’t that our own fault? We let our imaginations run wild and got our hopes way up there that it was sort of inevitable that we were going to be disappointed. So this is why I strongly urge us all to ween ourselves off expecting anything…
Having too many expectations, or always wanting things to be as you imagined them to be, is a sign of mental weakness. People with strong minds and a strong understanding of the world, knows that you can’t control how things turn out; you can’t have things go the way you want them to all the time and oftentimes the universe surprises us. Understanding this is crucial. Once you let go of control and worry and imaging every little thing, you can begin to enjoy what is, not what could have been.
This is overthinking. This is anxiety. This is control-issues. This is infantile thinking. This is a fantasy. And you can’t live that way.
Overthinking and expectation will, at some point:
Put a strain on your relationships
Make you think negatively
Cause you upset
Take away from the now
Cause avoidance
Ruin
But how do we stop? Those of us who overthink are probably not doing it on purpose, right? So here’s a few ways of helping you stop the overthinking, expectation cycle:
When you find yourself thinking or picturing an upcoming event, stop. Physically say to yourself, “I shouldn’t do this.” And instead force yourself to be in the moment. Really listen to whoever you’re with. Or listen to music consciously. Go for a walk. Read a book. Even watch TV. Just keep your mind busy on something else.
Remind yourself of the last time you expected something or pictured a situation differently to how it actually was. Write it down. Describe that situation to yourself and most importantly, remind yourself of how it felt. I hurt when you expected your boyfriend to buy you flowers but he didn’t, right? Even though you had a lovely day with him, you couldn’t help being upset because you expected that he’d get you flowers. Well what did you gain from expecting the flowers? Nothing. All you did was ruin a perfectly great day and make your boyfriend out to be a monster when he’s not! Remind yourself that every time in the past, it has only hurt you, in whatever way, when you expected something.
Be mindful of when your friends or loved ones speak about times they expected something. How you laughed or said they were silly to think that way…well, so are you!
Try to turn the situation on itself when you get disappointed by and feel limited by expectation and overthinking. How would I feel if someone expected me to do something but I didn’t do it even though I didn’t actually do something wrong? Well, why am I blaming them then? Or, I’m pretty sure I can’t read minds or predict the future so why am I trying to? Or, worrying and imagining won’t change the outcome, it hasn’t before and it hasn’t for anyone else I know either. Be logical.
If you find that the thoughts just keep flowing, then write them down. Then later I want you to go back and read them and realise how ludicrous it was to think that. Don’t beat yourself up, but just write down and say to yourself that this thought didn’t help you and it was very inaccurate.
In simple terms, be reasonable with yourself and others. The mind is powerful but it can not make something happen by picturing it enough times! All you’re doing is stealing yourself away from the present moment and potentially ruining the real perfection of an event when it does eventually happen. So practice what’s listed above and ween off the expectations.
Seek Peace.
