Stunt-Wiping: Have You Ever Been Forced To Use Something Other Than TP?

This is going to be a quickie, because my counterpart at work gets to go home as soon as I arrive. So, I’m feeling social pressure to get in there and put him out of his misery. The good news? I also get to leave early. It’s weird, ’cause yesterday felt like Saturday, and now here I am back in the work week — at the wrong end. I’m all discombobulated.

Anyway, a few days ago Toney asked me to pick up some toilet paper while I was out running some errands. Years ago I would’ve been embarrassed to make such a purchase, unless it was embedded inside a larger buy. Ya know? My attitude today is “That’s right, I wipe. In fact, I’m going to take this home right now, bust it open, and get to wiping like there’s no tomorrow.” For the record, I also bought a coconut cream pie. Rectum ribbon and pie. What of it?

And while I was there making my TP selection, I spotted the questionable stuff in the photo. 57 cents!? I sent the picture to Toney to see if it was acceptable, and she said I might want to go up a notch or two. Heh. I was thinking it would be like copier paper, but she said it would more likely be super-thin and dissolve upon contact. What do you guys think?

I went with a 12 pack of Cottonelle, which will probably be like using an angora rabbit. I don’t really know yet. I’m not keeping track.

In any case, I’d like know if any of you have ever been in a situation where you were forced to engage in stunt-wiping. You know, where you have to use something other than TP? I don’t think I have. It seems like I might have had to use the cardboard tube once or twice, for a final pass. But I’ve never had to use leaves, a shower curtain, socks, the spinning wheel of an exercise bike, or anything like that. How about you? Do you have any stories to tell on this subject?

Before I call it a weird day here, I want to remind you guys — once again — to please use our Amazon links to make your holiday (or personal!) purchases. Just click through any of them, like home[image error]