Tip #1: No More “No!s”

As an “in-home” therapist I am given the opportunity to observe children in their most natural environment; their home. Home, for most of us, is a safe predictable environment that we have a sense of control over. Children often have difficulty verbalizing their need for control simply because they have yet to achieve that level of development. Instead, children begin the “Battle of Wills.” BUT!! Just like it takes two to tango it takes two to battle!

Tell me if this sounds familiar:

Parent:
“Jenny, come here so I can brush your hair?”
Jenny:
“No! I hate getting my hair brushed!”
Parent:
“Jenny, come HERE!”
Jenny:
“No!”
Parent:
“Come Here NOW!”
Jenny:
“NO!”

Okay, you get the gist. I’m sure you’ve heard it before; people say “give them choices.” As true as that is, the type of choices you offer matter as well.
Now, TAKE TWO:
Parent:
“Jenny, do you want to brush your hair or do you want me to do it?”
Jenny:
“I wanna do it”

Giving your child a choice of “how” something will be done eliminates the notion that the task is optional. Furthermore, be sure NOT to give them more than two choices. Giving children too many choices overwhelms a child and can lead to more defiance. Be sure to remind the child that it is their decision, “Jenny, this is your choice, etc.” Activities of daily living provide great opportunities for your children to complete those chores and mundane tasks they think are so horrible (like brushing your hair), while gaining that sense of control they seek.