To Live and Dine in L.A.

I like time. There's so little and so much of it.
-- Female Oracle

I have exactly two sources of income: the entertainment industry and writing. Both trades are to an extent seasonal -- the former literally, the latter figuratively -- and this leaves me, during certain months, with a little money and a lot of time on my hands.

Now it is said, rightly, that the most precious commodity in the world is time, because in the end, it's all anyone has. So many days. So many hours. So many heartbeats. And then -- bam! The night train to the Big Adios. When you consider how much of that time we squander sitting in traffic, waiting in line, or staring glassy-eyed in front of the television, this realization is sobering and a little frightening. Especially if you're a homebody with a lazy streak about 3/4 of a mile wide. I couldn't tell you the number of hours I've spent re-reading books, re-watching DVDs, and playing video games on my PC, but whatever the figure is, it must be pretty staggering. Well, at some point a few years ago I decided I'd had enough. I resided (and still reside) in one of the largest and most exciting cities on the planet, and I resolved to leave the house and see what made it tick. It was time to use my time more wisely.

The most important factor to consider, before getting off my ass and poking around town with fresh eyes, was the fact Los Angeles is vastly different from the other cities I've lived -- Chicago and Washington, D.C., for example -- in that it is not really a city at all. It is a collection of cities, towns and villages smashed together over 503 square miles, each one with its own geography, architecture, culture, racial-ethnic makeup, and identity. This makes it infinitely interesting but impossible to know, like a schizophrenic with 2,000 different personalities, and this unique multiplicity of identity is part of its allure. Last night, for example, I went to the Landmark Regent Theater in Westwood Village to see Val Kilmer's one man show, Citizen Twain. Westwood Village is on L.A.'s affluent West Side, where I seldom, if ever venture, not being affluent myself. Afterwards I wrote in my journal, "The experience reminded me that after nine years of living here, I really don't know very much about Los Angeles. The city is too vast, too sprawling, too diverse in character to completely explore. I could spend the rest of my life here, moving from one neighborhood to the other, and never find its limits. I think it was Walt Whitman who said the real story of the Civil War had never been told and probably shouldn't be told; well, the true story of Los Angeles is also too big for any one man to encompass."

True, true. Yet that doesn't mean we shouldn't try, right? And I have tried and continue trying. So what I would like to do now is share a little of what I've discovered about my adoptive city, what I I actually do here when not working or writing -- and, I hope, give you some ideas of how to spend your time should you choose to visit -- ideas that aren't necessarily in the travel brochure.

MOVIES

I realize that people can see movies anywhere, but L.A. is the home of movies and has some theaters you'll want to experience for yourself. My own personal favorite is the Egyptian on Hollywood Boulevard. This theater is nearly 100 years old but has been recently renovated back to its original splendor. Owned by American Cinemateque, it shows about ten films a month -- indies, classics, new releases, you name it -- and at most of the showings features guest appearances by actors, directors, producers, writers, crew, etc. from the films in question. This is a great way to meet Hollywood types in person in a friendly atmosphere. The tickets are cheap ($11 for non-members, $7 for members) and many of the showings are double or even triple features. Beer is now served at the concession stand and next door is the Pig 'n Whistle, a fairly famous pub restaurant.

The New Beverly Theater, on Beverly Boulevard, not far from CBS Television City and The Grove/Farmer's Market (see below) is also a movie theater worth a visit. It is a smallish theater owned by Quentin Tarantino, which shows mainly obscure or semi-obscure films of the chop-sockey, grindhouse, exploitation / blacksploitation variety -- in other words, mostly 1950s - 1970s drive-in flicks. The gimmick of this theater is that every film is shown in 35mm rather than digitally, and that the previews (all for old movies) are selected from Tarantino's own private collection of movie trailers. Tarantino does all scheduling for the theater himself, which is why I go there only about twice a year (his taste in films and mine are light-years apart) but on occasion it is home to classics such as ALIEN, DIE HARD and the like. It also frequently (and not surprisingly) shows his own films. The menu at this movie theater is very good, very cheap, and even has White Castle hamburgers. Nor are the tickets expensive.

During the summer, the Montalban Theater, on Vine Street in Hollywood, hosts its Rooftop Film Series. Films are shown in the open air, with the audience sitting in deck chairs and listening on headphones. The food and drink (including beer and wine) here are superior, and while the tickets aren't cheap and the audience tends to the trendy, the movie selection is very good -- a mix of comedy, romance, and action-adventure.

PLAYS

Los Angeles is not known for having a thriving theater scene, but it does -- just on a much smaller scale than New York. I mean this literally: due to rules involving payment of actors that are too complex and boring to relate here, most playhouses in Los Angeles are 99 seats or smaller (usually much smaller), which lends a feeling of extreme intimacy to the performances. The real treat of plays in L.A. is that they are usually places for your favorite TV actors to keep their acting muscles toned between projects. I've seen Nicholas Brendon (Xander on BUFFY), James Marsters (Spike on BUFFY and ANGEL), Mike Farrell (B.J. on M*A*S*H) and many others up close and personal, and it's a great deal of fun, especially if you're a nerd like yours truly. If you're in town, some playhouses worth perusing are The Blank (which is more or less run by Noah Wylie) on Santa Monica Boulevard, the Stella Adler on Hollywood Boulevard, and the Greenway Court Theater on Fairfax, which also happens to be almost directly opposite The Silent Movie Theater, which may also interest you.

Griffith Park also hosts the occasional "Shakespeare in the Park" which is fun if you bring the right equipment (beach chairs and picnic food; no alcohol is permitted but everyone drinks, albeit discreetly).

EATS

When people think of California, they tend to think movies, surfing, beaches, earthquakes, left-wing politics, wineries... anything but farming. But much of Cali is devoted to agriculture, and farmer's markets flourish everywhere. My favorite, a sort of home-away-from home, is the The Farmer's Market @ Third & Fairfax, next to CBS Television City. This is a huge yet oddly discreet open-air market about the size of a city block, enclosed by more permanent restaurants and shops. It is home to two bars, some curio shops, a soda fountain, a homemade ice cream parlor, a donut shop, and more food stalls than you can shake a stick at. There are two poulterers, a fish stand, two wholesale butchers, some enormous vegetable and fruit stands, a coffee stand or two, candy and nut stands, and a seeming enormity of restaurants -- Mexican, Brazilian, Spanish, American, Italian, Greek, you name it. Also pizza parlors, a diner and a sandwich joint. There is even a barber shop, run by my former next-door neighbor, which serves beer and plenty of 1930s New Orleans-style atmosphere. You can spend hours here perusing the stands, enjoying the food, or just people-watching. My favorite spots here are Marcel's, a French restaurant which is usually excellent (it also has its own food store), Phil's, with its overpriced but delicious breakfasts and sandwiches, and Loteria, which is home to arguably the best Mexican food anywhere in this town. (The ice cream and donut shops are legit as well, and there is a stand that sells nothing but hot sauce for you cooks out there.) To top all this off, the Market adjoins The Grove, a beautiful open-air shopping mall with its own trolley system, and is home to a multiplex as well as yet more restaurants and a slew of stores. You can kill a hell of a lot of time here, as well as eating and drinking and shopping your fill, without leaving an area of about two city blocks.

Not far from this place, on La Brea Avenue near Melrose, is Pink's Hot Dogs. This is an ultra-famous stand which I wouldn't mention here except that, unlike so many famous eateries, it does live up to its reputation. The Chicago-style brat is just fabulous. The lines are often horrible, it's true, but the stand is open so long each day that it isn't hard to find windows of opportunity. This place also serves Doc Brown cream soda, which is great stuff.

Gladstones, in Malibu, is a flat-out tourist trap with a rather mediocre reputation for service and an inconsistent quality to its food. A huge renovation a few years ago may have improved it, but the real reason to go is the view. This is an open-air, ocean-front restaurant on Malibu Beach, just off the Pacific Coast Highway, and the view, the breeze, and the smell of the sea air are intoxicating. I know some will say that Duke's and other places serve better food without the excessive prices and indifferent service, but for sheer beauty it's hard to beat this joint, especially at sunset.

Downtown L.A. is a bit dicey at night, or can be anyway, but I've always enjoyed the Upstairs Bar at the Ace Hotel, which is next to the cavernous Ace Theater. It's a bit trendy and hipster-y, and I can't say the service is great, but the view of Downtown at night is spectacular and there is a small heated outdoor pool on the deck. You can take some spectacular photos from here, and it also happens to be on the same street as the Orpheum, which is a beautiful little opera-style theater also used for sporting events.

HIKES

Since this town has about 300 days of sunshine a year, outdoor exercise has an appeal that is sometimes lacking in the Midwest or Northeast. I do a lot of walking and hiking, and I can say with some conviction that the most trendy hiking spots are also generally the worst -- too crowded, for one, and on top of this crowded with the wrong sort of people, i.e. trendoids, hipsters and dog-walkers who leave trails of shit in their wake. I spend most of my time at the Lake Hollywood Reservoir in Burbank, Wildwood Canyon Park in Burbank, and Malibu Creek State Park, which is way out near Calabasas.

Lake Hollywood is a nearly century-old reservoir bang in between Burbank and Hollywood, directly beneath the Hollywood Sign. It us surrounded by thick woods which are home to deer, and the lake itself is brimming with watery wildlife such as turtles, fish and all manner of water fowl. It is a beautiful, restful place most days, and offers a sweatier alternative hike up steep Cahuenga Peak to the famous Wisdom Tree and Hollywood Sign. The view from up there is ridiculous: you get a 360-degree view which includes Warner Brothers Studios, the Bob Hope Airport, Griffith Park Observatory, Universal Studios, and the whole of Los Angeles including downtown. Oh, and the entrance gate to the park is one of the shooting locations of the original HALLOWEEN.

Wildwood Canyon is in the hills of Burbank, opposite a golf course. It is a long, steep, ever-ascending dirt trail which will test your resolve massacre about 1,000 calories, but which offers another tremendous view and a feeling of massive satisfaction when you reach the crest. For the hearty of foot, there are a web of interconnected trails which run along the spine of the hills for miles in both directions. On your way home you can stop on San Fernando Boulevard in downtown Burbank and reclaim those calories at any number of restaurants.

Malibu Creek State Park used to be the Fox Lot. It's where PLANET OF THE APES (the original) and M*A*S*H (the series) were filmed, and it is beautiful and vast in size. My favorite hike is up to the old M*A*S*H site, where they shot all the exteriors in the series. The helicopter pad is still there, and while the tents and buildings are of course gone they have been mapped out so you know where they stood. A number of vehicles which were abandoned when the show went off the air remain on site, some rusted out hulks, some fully restored, and the Mess Tent has been rebuilt so you can sit at the plank tables for a breather. There is also a place along the way called Century Lake, where you can go swimming. This place is ideally situated for raids on Malibu, which you can access through the Santa Monica Mountains.

FESTIVALS

At any particular moment there is a festival, or several, going on in L.A. county. A few days ago I attended something called the "Happy Little Festival" at the Angel City Brewery in downtown L.A. This was a flat-out tribute to Bob Ross, he of the "happy little clouds." It was a lot of fun. And this weekend I'm attending the Burbank Winter Wine Festival just down the road. The L.A. TImes Festival of Books is a bit of a bore (I know that's blasphemy for a writer to say, but it is), but the L.A. Time Hero Complex Film Festival often has great movies, shown in the famous Chinese Theater on Hollywood Boulevard, as well as great guest speakers -- I saw Leonard Nimoy speak there back in 2010, which was a huge thrill. The Thai New Year Festival in Hollywood is also terrific. It takes place right on the Boulevard in Thai Town, and is an orgy of street food and crafts as well as combat sports (boxing and Muay Thai kickboxing) conducted in a ring set up right in the middle of the world's most famous street. My point here is simply that the chances of a week going by without some kind of street fair or food/drink/book festival occurring here are slim.

ONE MAN SHOWS AND NICHE CONCERTS

A benefit to sharing your city with a zillion actors and musicians is that their pet projects become your entertainment. I've attended William Shatner's "Shatner's World" at the Nokia Theater in L.A., Mike Tyson's one man show at the famous Pantages Theater in Hollywood, and Val Kilmer's "Citizen Twain" at the afformentioned Regent Landmark, to name a few. In each instance I was hugely entertained and got to meet the star in question afterward, which appealed to my name-dropping inner nerd. You should always be on the lookout for this type of performance because you never know, in the cases of the older performers, how many more opportunities you will have to do this.

In regards to music, you can't nerd harder than I did at the "Star Trek: Voyages" concert which was also held at the Pantages. This was an orchestral concert with some heavyweight guest conductors, which features music from the movies and various series played over a film celebrating the Star Trek legacy, and narrated by Michael "Worf" Dorn. I also exulted in John Williams' concert at the Hollywood Bowl, during which he conducted his philharmonic through many of his best movie scores while images from the same played on a huge screen. While these shows go on tour, there is no better place to see them than in their own birthplace: you should always check the music section of the L.A. Times Online for events of this type.

PLACES TO WANDER

Larchmont, in central L.A. ("Mid-City"), between Beverly and Third Streets, is sometimes referred to as "L.A.'s smallest 'hood." Though smack between Hollywood, East Hollywood, Koreatown, etc. it has a friendly, small-town vibe, complete with nose-in parking spaces, and boasts a barber shop, farmer's market, and many great restaurants. It even has an independent bookstore, which is a growing rarity. One word of warning: they WILL ticket if you're even 30 seconds late to the meter, and the WILL tow if you park illegally. Best to avoid those cute nose-in spaces, park a block or two south on the street, and walk.

Koreatown, which more or less adjoins Hollywood, is home to some of the best food in Los Angeles. However, it really helps to go with a Korean, if you happen to know one, because some of the restaurants don't even have English on the menus. But the food -- oh my. And the cuisine is as friendly to vegetarians as carnivores. Thai Town, mentioned above, also adjoining Hollywood, also has insanely good food including those devastatingly delicious Thai iced teas, and some cool Thai markets where you can get herbs and vegetables and so forth you don't really find in America.

Magnolia Street in Burbank is also a great deal of fun. This street is enormous but the good part basically starts at the intersection of Magnolia and Hollywood Way, near Warner Brothers Studios, and runs east for a mile or two before petering out somewhere near the bridge over the Five Freeway. Burbank is home to Disney, ABC, NBC, Universal, and Warners, and this street reflects that fact. Many of the shops sell clothing used on your favorite TV shows; others peddle books specific to screenwriting. Acting studios nestle next to restaurants, a great comic book store, junk, occult and curio shops, and various movie-specific joints like prop rental shops. As I said, clothing stores, especially vintage and secondhand, abound here. Men, women and children will all find something here to their taste.

Lastly, one of my favorite things to do is look up the shooting locations of my favorite television shows and movies and then go visit them. On Halloween night last year, beneath a full moon, I went to all the locations in Hollywood, Burbank and Pasadena where John Carpenter's HALLOWEEN was shot. Also the street Wes Craven used to shoot the exteriors for A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET. And of course it's easy to hunt down the locations of more obvious films like L.A. CONFIDENTIAL and REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE, since they're bang in the middle of Hollywood. This is great fun and, if you have access to a car, very cheap, since the driving is probably local to your hotel or Airbnb anyway.

You'll notice I haven't mentioned many obvious spots, such as the Universal City Walk, Griffith Park Observatory, Mulholland Drive, the mall at Highland and Hollywood Boulevard, Grauman's Chinese Theater, studio tours, etc., etc. not because they aren't worth a look but because these are pretty much known to everyone. It's important to note that people who live in L.A. are not generally disdainful of tourists because so many, like me, are transplanted from other areas of the country and don't really have the right to be snotty to "foreigners." But I think if you hit some of the places I mentioned you'll get a better understanding of why people endure the high prices, smog and terrible traffic of Los Angeles. This city may not be angelic, but there's a lot to it if you know where to look.