My Brains!!! ep 7
"So you better run, Baldheaded-guy-with-the-red-and-blue-striped-shirt."
"Jeesh!" someone said somewhere behind me and retreating footsteps followed.
"You too, Blonde-with-three-kids." Several women gasped. I pointed over where the woman with the purse had been. "And you too, Gramma." The crowd parted like a laser had shot out of my finger. I gestured to the slowly rising hot dog vendor at my feet, planting a foot on his back and pushing him back down. "If I can do this with my muscles… wait'll you see what I can do with my brain!" I pointed at my head with all eight fingers, hopefully appearing like a mad scientist or mad… magician. Madness was the key.
People started to run. The nearest car to me revved backwards and bashed into a car behind it. A guy in a plaid kangol and flip-flops got out, flailing his arms and screaming as he went the other way. People fled out of nearby stores and other cars did three point turns to drive off the other way. The street was practically empty in two minutes.
"Me and you need to have a talk," I said, scooping the vendor up by the collar. He looked up at me with pleading eyes and I caught a goose chill. His body was way too bendy.
"I'm afraid he won't be doing any such thing with you," someone behind and above me said. I turned and saw a man in a black tux float down to the ground, gently flapping his arms. "He can't speak any human language." The new guy smoothed down the front of his clothes and looked back up at me. "You know, I never would have guessed the air was so dirty."
"Who are you?" I said, ready to start punching again. He was only a little taller than the hot dog vendor and just as petite.
"No, who are we?" he said. "And I wouldn't think that if I were you. The punching thing." I made a face as if I hadn't thought any such thing. "Of course you did. We can read each other's thoughts. And if you did, I would simply do this—" He put his index to his temple like a mock gun and put his thumb down like he was firing.
I was on the ground, fire coursing through my brain and red everywhere I saw. My brain—one of them—was moving and it hurt like hell. By the time my vision cleared he was kneeling over me and looked like he had been for some time.
"I have a feeling you're going to be incredibly stupid." He took a deep breath, slapped his knees twice and stood. "So we need to smarten you up quick, before that soggy brain of yours makes a mess of things." He touched the brim of his hat. "You bring the cat?"
My mind went to Oscar-the-Cat.
"Why not just call him Oscar?" I wasn't about to explain. I pictured a brick wall and concentrated on it.
"Ooo, already blocking me out. Good. But don't think I can't get in if I want." He tapped his temple. "C'mon, we have to get off the street." He held his hand out to me.
"What about him?" I said as I looked at the hot dog vendor and stood.
"Leave him." We started toward my car. "There was only room for one more in our army. Others will come for him." He said it like it should have been pronounced with a capital 'O'. "We have to deal with your attachments now that you're enlisted."
"Attachments?" I said, thinking of my family. "Enlisted?"
"Of course. Now if you're going to be a sergeant you'll need to get up to speed quick."
"Who said I wanted to be enlisted? What army?"
He turned to me. "Okay-okay, you can be a lieutenant."
