How Do You Turn Off Negative Self-Talk?

Just read a friend’s blog about negative self-talk. It really hit home.
Does that go on in your head?
It certainly does mine. Just last night, I was washing my hands at the sink and I shook the water from them.
Flash to sixth grade, Mrs. Kennedy’s class. I remember the angered expression on her face as she yelled at me once again for touching the sink after I had washed my hands. “Don’t do that, Cindy. You’re just putting germs back on your hands. You can do that at home, but not here.”

Why do I have to remember this every time I wash my hands? Why do I have to feel hurt?
Or there’s every time I cross my legs to tie my shoes and the knot and bow end up closer to one side and not in the middle. I hear my dad say, “He was too fat to bend over and tie his shoes.”
See. It doesn’t even have to be about me to feel the emotions.
Growing up, I had difficulty with my weight. Who the heck am I kidding? I still do. Talk about negative self-talk. Even now that I have lost over 120 pounds, the negative self-talk hasn’t changed. I’m still bigger than I should be. Should be? Who says? Oh, some stupid chart designed years ago. We are not all the same or the same body shape. That chart doesn’t understand how sick I am or how difficult it is for my body to lose weight. In fact, I’m probably one of the few who lost weight while pregnant because being pregnant was too hard on my body. I gained after that, though.
I passed a full-length mirror the other day and was shocked to see myself. The picture of how I look has not changed in my mind. I see myself that 120 pounds heavier. Did I celebrate the loss?  No. I’m still over-weight. When I recently lost another 15 pounds, did my doctor say, “Good job!” Did I? No. In fact, I can’t think of a time I’ve stopped and celebrated an accomplishment or a job well done. Probably because I feel that I have never done anything well.
Talk about your negative self-talk.
My logical self tells me I should stop and celebrate my accomplishments but years of all that negative talk by myself and others just continues to play in my head. 

Did I mention that one day I went out to get the mail and was walking back to the house and a carload of neighborhood boys yelled, “Fat *itch”? It hurt. It scarred internally. Do I think about it every time I go out for the mail? Yes, unfortunately. Why? Their opinion shouldn’t matter to me. They don’t know what it’s like to live in my body or live my life.
The list goes on and on; some too painful to even write about.
Do you have a problem with negative self-talk? I really would like to know how you turn it off. Please comment below.


Cindy A. ChristiansenSweet Romance, Humor, Suspense...and Dogs!Fly into a good book at: http://www.dragonflyromance.com

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Sweet (clean) Romance Author