Lainey’s List Chapter Forty-Eight

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Nick

Lainey’s eyes meet mine and suddenly it becomes crystal clear. Out of all the people in this huge world, the friend I’d abandoned so many years ago was her. I simultaneously want to shrink into the kitchen tile and jump up for joy.

“It was you, wasn’t it?”

“I think so. Godkiller?”

Hearing my nickname makes me flush. What a self-important prick I was. “Fuck, I was a tool back then.”

“No. You were wonderful,” she says immediately. The glow of appreciation in her eyes seems to genuine. “You remember when I made up all those nicknames for the clans?”

I grin. “Yup. I do. Someone was an asshole to you.”

“And you defended me.” She took a sip of her wine.

In the brief moment of silence, the enormity of it all hits me. I’m glad my ass is resting against the counter or I’d be flat on the floor.

“Why didn’t you say anything? How long have you known?” A whirlwind of emotion swirls inside of me. Shame that I’d treated someone so callously. Anger that she knew and didn’t tell me. Elation that we’d reconnected.

“I didn’t know right away. It took to put all the details together, and, frankly, until you just said that you were Godkiller, it was still only a theory.” She pours herself another glass as if she needs more booze to sustain her through this conversation.

“I did try to email you,” I offer in weak defense. I hadn’t totally abandoned her, but I had gone a long time between responses. I wasn’t surprised when she didn’t reply. “You didn’t respond.”

“I know. I’d—“ she stops and shakes her head.

“Tell me,” I order. Might as well lance that boil. I brace myself.

“It’s nothing, now that I look back at it.” She folds her hands in her lap and stares down at them. Her voice is so soft; I strain to hear her words. “I was lonely. Of course, that’s always my excuse, isn’t it? I was weak, actually. And I built up castles in my head made of clouds and sand,” she gulps. And tears, too, I’d guess. “And so I turned myself inside out.”

“What happened?”

“I heard you with a girl. You must’ve hit a button on the controller and the sound was activated. I heard you and… my silly dreams were dashed.”

I wince. That was bad. Way worse than I thought. “So you hated me at first sight?”

“No. Not at all.”

“That’s a relief.” I watch as she rolls the thin stem between her fingers. “I’m sorry. I wish I hadn’t acted that way.”

“Oh, Nick. We were kids. There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“Then why is there this distance between us?” The ten or so tiles between us is a gulf too big. I push away from the counter and reach her in two long strides. With arms caging her in, I ask, “Why do you throw up these barriers, always keeping me at arms-length?”

She sets the glass aside sharply and jabs me in the chest with a pointed finger. “You say that like you’ve always wanted to be my man, but that isn’t remotely true. When you got here, you were looking to have fun. Nothing more.”

I grab that finger and bring it to my mouth. “Okay,” I say against her hand. “That’s true back then, but it’s not true now. I want to be part of your life and part of Cassidy’s life. Will you let me in?”

Her hand stiffens in my clasp and then her fingers curl around mine. “There are things in my life, mistakes I’ve made, that dictate my path right now. I’ve got to think of Cassidy first so it doesn’t matter what you or I want.”

“You’re talking about Chip, aren’t you?” I draw her hand up to my shoulder and then slide her body forward until I’m positioned in the cradle of her thighs. “Tell me about him and you and Cassidy. Is he her dad?”

Her head dips down. “I can’t say.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Can’t.”

So Chip made her sign an NDA. Some players did that, and it’s smart. That way you could have a relationship and not worry that if it went south, it would come back to bite you. It’s not unreasonable to ask for a non-disclosure agreement. I didn’t fault Chip for that. It’s his continued denial of Cassidy as his kid—for that, Chip was scum.

“All right. Where do we go from here?” I’m not going to get anywhere with Lainey on this topic. I’m going to have to go to the other party. Frankly, I’m looking forward to that. Chip has a helluvalot to answer for.

“I don’t know.” She sounds miserable which actually makes me feel a tad better. She wants to be with me, but is afraid of what might happen if we are. No, strike that. She’s afraid of what might happen to her kid.

“You know I adore Cassidy. I’m not going to let anything bad happen to her.” I lift Lainey’s chin so her eyes can see the sincerity in mine. “Do you believe me?”

Her brown eyes are a pool of want and uncertainty. I want to eradicate the worry and satiate her desire. I want to make love to my boyhood friend and make the connection we formed so many years ago into unbreakable bonds. Unfortunately, tonight isn’t the time.

“Look, Lainey, I want to win another championship so everyone doesn’t think this one’s a fluke. Good defense is the only reason we won. I want to actually win it. I want Nate and Charlotte to find happiness. I want my entire family to die of old age. I want things to work out between you and me. Can we give that a shot?”

“I can try, but—”

I hold a hand up to her lips. “You leave Chip to me.”

I force myself to back away. Her eyes darken in confusion. “Are you leaving?”

“Yep. I’ve got business to take care of and besides, if I don’t, you’re going to have to explain to Cassidy why Uncle Nick is naked in your bed.”

She grimaces.

“I thought not. I’m going to leave now while I still can.” She half rises, but I stop her. “No, stay where you are or things are going to happen.”

A smile curves across her face. “Maybe I want things to happen.”

“Don’t try to seduce me, Lainey. It’s not going to work.”

She slides off the counter, ignoring my glare and my outstretched palm. “Do you really want to test that out?”

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