Writes of passage

Lately I've had to put writing dysfunctional fiction to the side, while I've been living out some dysfunction in real life. I'm going through a divorce, so I've been experimenting with new forms of writing.

Mostly I've been writing on lots of forms; government forms, legal forms, court forms, bank forms. Then there's been hundreds of emails and texts between my ex and I, because suddenly the written word is more reliable than the spoken word.


I rewrote some real estate copy when we put our house on the market. I changed the text from 'renovator's delight' flavour, to 'mid-century home full of charm and character'.


We had one open for inspection and then I decided to keep my charming and character-filled home and buy my ex out. It was a bit confusing for the neighbours. But sometimes you need to put a massive billboard out the front of your house to advertise the chaos in your life.


I’ve discovered that lawyers get paid excellent rates for what they write. They can charge $39 for each email, even if it’s just to say ‘Here’s your bill attached’. (That works out at roughly $10 per word.)


My reading habits have changed lately too. I tend to read books like this one:


And I circle passages like this:


I read books like this one in private and I hide it in my bottom drawer, because it's too embarrassing to keep on my bedside table …


Last week I wheeled the lawnmower out of the shed and skim read the manual on my smartphone. I followed some of the instructions; I took the dipstick out and checked the oil. Then I pulled on the starter cord three times swiftly. Nothing happened. So I wheeled the lawnmower back into the shed and promised myself I'd read the manual properly some time soon.


If I ever put a real estate board up outside my house again I could advertise one of my novels to the neighbours, like this one:


My character Luisa finds all sorts of creative ways to deal with her estranged marriage.


The Replacement Wife ebook is only $2.99, it costs much less than a lawyer's 4-word email:


Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00WDN9R24
Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/search?q=9781460705902
Kobo: https://store.kobobooks.com/en-US/ebook/the-replacement-wife-8
iBooks: https://itunes.apple.com/au/book/the-replacement-wife/id987629388

Top image via Favim