A Hard Month for Parents

As a former sex-crimes prosecutor who is also the mother of two small children, I struggle to be a laid-back parent. I want my kids to grow up thinking the world is generally a good place. I don't want to frighten them with dire warnings. On the other hand, I've seen the terrible things that people do to each other. I worry.

I can usually strike a reasonable balance between caution and chilling out. But July was a hard month.

[image error]First, there was the death of little Leiby Kletzky. On July 11th, the parents of the eight-year-old Orthodox Jewish boy allowed him to walk home alone from day camp for the first time. It was only seven blocks, and they'd practiced with a dry run. But Leiby got lost in his close-knit Brooklyn neighborhood and asked a stranger for directions. That stranger took the child home, killed him, and dismembered him, police say. Most of Leiby's body was found in a dumpster. His feet were found in the man's freezer.

[image error]Then there was the attempted kidnapping, on July 15th, of the two-year-old boy from a Best Buy – while his father watched. The child was playing by the shopping carts when a 23-year-old stranger, high on PCP, grabbed him and ran. The father chased frantically, and the would-be kidnapper threw the toddler into a glass door with such force that it caused a web of cracks, say police.

[image error]Finally, Jaycee Dugard released her book, "A Stolen Life," in mid-July. It is an amazing book, written simply and compellingly by Jaycee herself. You know the story: when she was eleven years old, Jaycee walked to her school bus stop. A convicted sex offender, Joseph Garrido, drove up, tazed her with a stun-gun, snatched her and drove away. His wife helped. Garrido handcuffed the girl in a backyard shed and repeatedly raped her. She eventually bore two baby daughters by him. After 18 years in captivity, she was found, along with her now-adolescent daughters. The most stunning part of the story to me is that Garrido was on probation for his earlier rape, and was being supervised by the feds the whole time. Dozens of probation officers visited his house – and no one found the girl or the two babies living in the shed in the backyard. Jaycee's story is one of survival and courage, a shy, intellitgent little girl who deserved better, and a man who was as evil as evil gets. I could not put the book down, although it chilled me to the bone.

 So, how, as a parent, should I balance these terrible stories, and the terrible things I've seen on the job, with rearing kids who are secure and happy and have a sunny outlook on life – but are also safe? In mulling this, I looked at the statistics. Just over 1% of child abductions are perpetrated by strangers. What happened to these children was very rare. Most danger to our children comes from people they know: caregivers, relatives, friends of the family. If we're diligent about knowing the people our kids hang out with, we can reduce their risk. I've also put on my reading list the book "Free Range Kids," the bestseller by Lenore Skenazy, who argues that childreen need freedom in order to grow, and that the world is actually safer than we fear. Maybe that will counterbalance some of the darkness.

Meanwhile, if you've got a suggestion for how to strike the right balance, I'd love to hear it!

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