No, you're not crazy. It's called gaslighting.

The term comes from the 1944 thriller filmGaslightwhich chronicles the life of a woman whose husband convinces her she is losing her mind. In present day relationship context, it describes being manipulated into questioning your own sanity, despite what you know to be true. Anyone can be the victim of this technique which begins subtly with mind games that play on your limited ability to tolerate vagueness or uncertainty. The goal is to undermine the victim's trust in their own sense of reality, leaving them asking themselves, "What just happened?"If this happens to be going on with someone in your life, it can be baffling. However, once you identify it, the good news is that you can become empowered to act in your own best interest, whatever that may be.Gaslighting has particular stages though they are not always clear-cut and may sometimes overlap. They include:Disbelief, DefenseandDepression.Disbelief: An event occurs that you find strange or illogical. You cannot ascribe meaning to what the other person has said or done, no matter how hard you try.Example: You are passed up for a promotion at work you were all but guaranteed.Defense: This happens when you are put in a position to defend yourself against the manipulation of the other person.Example:You: I was wondering if I could speak with you about not being given the promotion. I’m curious why it went to someone else. The response at my presentation was so positive.Boss: You’re too sensitive.You: I’m still curious about the promotion. Could we talk about it so I know better what to aim for next time? After our chat at the water cooler last week, I was certain the position was mine.Boss: What conversation? I don’t know what you’re talking about.You: You know, last week?Boss: You must be confusing this with something else. I would never talk to an employee about a promotion, even if it was going to be theirs. That never happened. You seem stressed out. Go home and get some rest. You used to be so on top of things.Depression: Once this goes on for a while, you start to feel isolated, cut off and foreign to yourself. You can’t talk to others about the relationship because it has become incomprehensible on many levels and you figure if you don’t understand, nobody else will either. No matter how you try to rationalize or stand up for yourself, you sink lower and lower as if something is wrong with you.Example: (inner dialogue) I should have worked harder, maybe my nerves were showing more than I thought, that guy has only been with the company for two months. I must be losing my edge. I wonder if I’ll even be here much longer at the rate I’m going.Maybe the boss was never going to give you the promotion and only acted like he was. You may never know the true story. But he lead you to believe it was yours and you have suffered a crushing, inexplicable defeat to someone you know to be less qualified, then been lead to believe it was all in your head.In the case of intimate partner relationships, gaslighting as a form of emotional abuse causes victims to disbelieve their own experiences and memories of things that have happened, even in cases of physical harm. The danger in this is numbing the instincts you were born with that protect you and keep you safe. If you dismiss escalating patterns of behaviour, you are actually putting yourself (and possibly others) at serious risk.How to know if you are a victim of gaslighting:-You are constantly second-guessing yourself-You ask yourself, "Am I too sensitive?" frequently-You often feel confused or like you’re losing your mind-You are always apologizing-You can't understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren't happier-You know something is terribly wrong, but you can't put your finger on it- You have trouble making simple decisions- You feel you used to be a very different person - more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed- You feel as though you can't do anything right- You wonder if you are a good enough partner/ son or daughter/employee/ friend- You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don't have to explainIf any of these points ring true, consider speaking with a trusted friend or counsellor about your relationship before your sense of self erodes any further. Doing this can re-establish your reality and either help you change the dynamic or get out of the relationship altogether. You are not crazy. You deserve to be surrounded by kind, supportive people who don’t mess with your head to get their way or bring you down. Knowledge is power.As always my friends, be well.LoreleiRelated links:http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/08/things-wish-known-gaslighting/https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/power-in-relationships/200905/are-you-being-gaslightedhttp://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=17626.0*Checklist adapted from R. Stern, PhD, Psychology Today, 2009.