Toothpaste: Our most pleasant poison (from '10)

My wife was furious. The kids wouldn’t take the poison. They cried. They screamed.



“Please! Please, Mommy, don’t make us do it!”



I’d had enough. I dragged them both into the bathroom and roughly put the poison in their mouths.



Then I took them to bed, knelt down and did a soulless auctioneer’s version of the “if I should die before I wake” prayer.



Finally, the house was at