ROASTED

The annual NECON Roast is a big honor. Previous victims have included Stephen King, Robert R. McCammon, Rick Hautala, Douglas Winter, Charles Grant, and dozens more. I myself have participated in roasting James A. Moore, Weston Ochse, Yvonne Navarro, Elizabeth Massie, and Cort Skinner. That's why I didn't suspect anything this year when Christopher Golden contacted me a few weeks ago and said, "We're roasting Douglas Clegg this year, and I want you to close the show again, so bring your 'A' game." Thus, I've spent the last few weeks writing roast jokes for Doug Clegg like 'I enjoyed The Harrow series, especially Shirley Jackson's version'.

So imagine our surprise when, at the roast, Mary SanGiovanni and I discovered that Doug Clegg had been a ruse all along and this year's real victims were us! Over the next hour, our peers and friends took the podium and proceeded to savage us with love and laughter. Roasters included Christopher Golden, Craig Shaw Gardner (and his zombie jug band), Nicholas Kaufmann, F. Paul Wilson (with assistance from Gordon Linzner), John Skipp, Jonathan Maberry, Hank Wagner, Rio Youers, Linda Addison, Mike Myers, James A. Moore, Monica J. O'Rourke, Jack Haringa, and Matt Bechtel.

Below are some pics, all courtesy of F.U.K.U. member Kurt Criscione, who was in attendance.

Chris Golden and Bob Booth spring their surprise.

Note the Doug Clegg jokes in my right hand!

"Okay, fuckers. Do your worst..."

Craig: "I'm here with some of Brian's fans."

Nick: "I'm not saying Brian's fat, but..."

Jack: "It's called E-D-I-T-I-N-G..."

F. Paul: "You collaborate with Jesus and Nick Whatshisname..."

"If you wanted John Skipp, why not just date the original?"

Jonathan: "I actually make money from my zombie novels."

Jim: "It's payback time for you both..."

Rio: "We know you love each other. Now SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Linda: "I'm all about love... because that's worked so well for me."

Monica: "What can I say about Brian? Nothing..."

Hank: Comparing and contrasting Pennsylvania and New Jersey.

Mike: "You might as well carry him home..."