Hello. Didja miss me? I missed you.

Got drunk, like LOTS. A girl got sick in my car. It stinks now. I was smoking pipe in this giant beer garden and it was called "ostentatious". I like that. I am fucking ostentatious, bitches. I lost my keys (that had my house key on it!). And my snus. I crawled in through the window to give you this report. Crazy times. Seen old cousins not seen in years. Saw my mom, and my uncle Spud. I ate a burger! Jeez. Someone bought me a shot and I refused it and then they took issue and wanted to kick my ass. Sorry. I don't do hard liquor. One must maintain. There's a reason I made it passed 27.

Anyhoo, my mom is doing well. She's balder than me now because of the chemo, but she's totally down with it, saying that if she makes it she's going to keep her head bald. "It's so much quicker in the shower," she says. As a bald guy, I couldn't agree more.

Fun times had by all, as far as I can see. Fuckin A.