The Costs of Writing

"My fingers kill me as I play my guitar / 'cause I've been chewing down at my nails…"

Pete Townshend, New Song

Apart from revealing my old school rock-n-roll roots, I chose to start with these lines and this striking Annie Leibovitz photo because it has a great resonance for me. Not just because I, er, wanted to be Pete Townshend when I was a teenager (yes, this included dressing like him based on photos mostly taken by Leibovitz for Rolling Stone), because I did adore his lyrics. But there was another picture I've looked for in vain which demonstrated quite clearly that these lyrics were based on Townshend's own experiences as a nail-biter. His chewed nubs show the agonising process behind the writing.

Here's the secret: You can always tell how my writing's going by looking at my nails.

I have a friend who always hides this kind of information: "They must know nothing of our methods!" But I've been all about the demystifying of late. I think we can get a bit too precious about it. I used to have a "writing hat" — when the idea of a hat to try to get me into the right state of mind seemed like a good idea. Then there was the "Lisa the Simpson" episode of The Simpsons, where Homer asks Marge for "your address book, four beers, and my conversation hat." Then I felt a bit silly — no, I lie. I felt silly a long time before that. Oddly enough, it was before I moved from wannabe to an actual writer. That transition comes when you drop all the folderol and just do the work.

But we try all kinds of things to keep us in that productive state of mind. Anything, everything. When the writing is going well, I always find that I have managed to chew my nails down to not very much. If I am writing but not well, it's more of a struggle.

"The faster I write the better my output. If I'm going slow, I'm in trouble. It means I'm pushing the words instead of being pulled by them." ~ Raymond Chandler

When I'm pushing the words, my nails are down to bloody stumps. At present, I'm relieved to say they're not quite that bad, but they are a bit short. Last week, when I was at Readercon, I had that rarity: a little bit of white on my nails. They never grow much. My nails are thin and easily split into layers. But if I'm not writing (which only means not writing on my computer: I'm never not writing altogether. I always have a travel journal if nothing else) I'm less likely to be biting my nails. The illusion is that this is somehow "healthier" — trust me, it's not. The chewed down nails mean the words are flowing. As long as we don't get down to blood, it's all right. And even if we do, better blood than silence, surely.

That's the way it goes. Yeah, writing is a madness. What did you expect?

Filed under: C. Margery Kempe, inspiration, Kit Marlowe, Readers Conference, Readers Conferences, romance, What inspires you?, Writer's Life, Writers Conferences, Writing Topics